It’s like they read my mind. They were looking at my list of requirements for only reasons why I would watch a Pirates Of The Caribbean 4 movie, and at the top of it? Natural breasts. And apparently casting directors got the memo. In my brain. Because they’re looking for exactly that.
That’s the first time I’ve ever heard of a casting process immediately excluding 80% of Hollywood actresses and producer’s wives. They are apparently making the girls who come in bounce around to show that their assets are real. And this, children, is why a casting director is a dream job for many people in Hollywood.
And what a movie Pirates 4 is already shaping to be. This last week Penelope Cruz was announced as Blackbeard’s daughter, and a possible love interest for Johnny Depp. This would re-unite the actors, who played lovers in Blow, and will hopefully deflect the public’s attention that Orlando “Wooden Plank Of Emotions” Bloom and Keira Knightley will not be in the new movies. Filming will begin soon in sunny Hawaii.
So, Manolith, I have a contest for you. If any of you can tell me what the hell happened in the third movie, and why Johnny Depp was fighting ghost pirate ships and mugging, I will give you my firstborn child. He will have a weird name, though, so if you’re comfortable raising a baby named Anubis, feel free to comment.