Scottish citizen Marium Varinauskas was sitting at home being, apparently, the drunkest he’d ever been before. It was this extreme drunken state that caused his girlfriend to call the police out to their home, where they found the man apparently in just his underwear.
At some point, Varinauskas began “exposing his penis and thrusting it in [one of the officers'] face, forcing her to take evasive action to avoid getting struck.” I’m told that in Scotland, a penis may be described as a weapon by the authorities, so there was an actual chance of an assault with a weapon charge in the making. Later, the defendant said in court that he was extremely embarrassed and accepted the officers’ statements of what happened, as he was too drunk to recall them himself. He has since apparently cut off the binge drinking.
Now, I don’t know about you, guys, but if I were to even think about attacking someone who possessed a gun, I’m pretty damned sure I wouldn’t use my most precious belonging to do it. I mean, sure, a fully erect penis at its most engorged might possibly poke an eye, but who’re we kidding? Ain’t no bones in that thing (and if yours is any different, please don’t write to me to prove it), so the chances of real damage are slim at best. Still, no one likes to get the shaft, am I right? “Free Willy” indeed.
Comments
Ali
March 18th, 2010 - 9:28:21 AM
This is the UK... our police officers don't carry guns (unless they're firearms officers, who would not be sent to sort out a drunk guy). So it would be his penis vs her baton, which is a bit more of a fair fight.
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