When you think of ’80s remakes, do you think they’re a slapdash, haphazard affair catered to people with short-attention spans and rife with terrible casting? Or do you think, “Thank God, they’re making a Smurfs movie and have cast Quentin Tarantino”? If it’s the latter, then I want you to hand over your drugs. RIGHT. NOW.
The Smurfs were one of my favorite TV shows growing up, but do we really need a film version? What about The Snorks or that show where cartoon characters raced against one another in wacky automobiles? Are those now going to be adapted, starring Shia LaBeouf? Come on, Hollywood. Use your brains. Start using them, before we are forced to rise against you.
Anyway, the casting of The Smurfs movie is a veritable who’s who of WTF. With an all-star cluster that includes Katy Perry, George Lopez, Neil Patrick Harris and Quentin Tarantino. The last time NPH, Lopez, Tarantino, and Perry were hanging out, it was a gangbang somewhere in Burbank. Tarantino will be playing Brainy Smurf, and will no doubt spout monologues about Madonna’s vagina and how Top Gun is trying to make the Smurfs into gay Smurfs which should be easy, considering there’s one woman and it’s Katy Perry. Zing.
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