Lindsay Lohan is a true Hollywood star. And by that I mean that she exhibits all the unearned conceitedness and spoiled-brat behavior that usually takes decades to really pull off properly. She truly embodies the Paris Hilton aesthetic, but with half the actual appeal. Why am I talking about her at all, you ask? Because Miz Lohan is suing E-Trade, the financial services company based in New York City, over a commercial that she alleges trades off of her good name in a disparaging way.
The “Girlfriend” commercial, which debuted during this year’s Super Bowl, features yet another of those freaky ads where two babies are “talking” about finance. Near the end of the commercial, the name “Lindsay” is mentioned (the exact spelling is never displayed) and a third baby enters the frame and says “Milka-whaaa?” Lohan seems to think that — and bear in mind, this is in fact a stretch — the ad is calling her … some sort of … boyfriend-stealing … addictive personality? I guess?
Stephanie Ovadia, Lohan’s lawyer: “Many celebrities are known by one name only, and E-Trade is using that knowledge to profit. This is a subliminal message. Everybody’s talking about it and saying it’s Lindsay Lohan.”
Really, Lindsay? Really? You know what, you’re probably right. Never mind the fact that when I hear the name “Lindsay”, I think of Lindsay Wagner, the Bionic Woman. But no, you’re right. You are absolutely a celebrity on par with the likes of Cher, Madonna, and Meryl. You’re THAT influential. Your body of work is THAT great and held in esteem. I mean, hey, you did “Herbie: Fully Loaded” and “I Know Who Killed Me”, two of America’s finest contributions to cinema.
Also, you really know how to manage a perceived slight. Because really, the best way to negate anything anyone says about you is to go ballistic and sue them. Because that proves that there’s really nothing of substance to the issue. You go, girl! No one messes with the Lohan!
