Spring break is a week long national holiday specifically designed to make college age women do things they’ll later regret. It is a chance for guys who have spiked hair even though it isn’t 1998 anymore to make their pectoral muscles worthy of doing body shots off of. In certain parts of the United States during spring break, a pair of breasts are easier to come by than chicken McNuggets, and have considerably less breading. But spring break, despite its loose morals and looser times, does come with a few potential pitfalls to be avoided if you plan on having a good time. Here at Manolith we feel it is our duty to make sure that people celebrate safely and responsibly, which is why below we have listed the
Top 6 Spring Break Dont’s:
1. Never Lift Your Shirt Up For Beads That You Are Told ‘I’ve Got Back In My Car’:
I had a friend who fell for this once in 2006. She showed her tits to a guy who said he’d give her beads, but that he had that back in the car, and she should come with him to get them. They got further and further away from where people were hanging out, and eventually she was led into a dark alley where his car was parked far from the celebrating. When they got to his car he asked her to get in and help him root around. She, ever the gullible girl, did as he asked, and when she got in he quickly got in behind her and then they had a great conversation about Yoga, which they both did as a hobby, went out on a date later that week, and this last August they got married.
2. Don’t Drink Anything A Stranger Hands You:
Getting slipped a mickey is known to happen now and again at spring break celebrations, and its better to be safe than sorry. The only person you should ever take a drink from is George Clooney, because even on the off chance that he does slip you a mickey, when you wake up the next morning, nauseous and unable to remember what happened last night, you still got to have sex with George Clooney.
3. Don’t Ever Rent A Jet Ski From Phil Over At Phil’s Jet Skis In La Jolla, California:
The prices are good, but that guy is an asshole.
4. Don’t Get Into A Conversation With The Guy With The Shirt That Says “Female Body Inspector”:
That guy is not wearing the shirt ironically. He takes his shirt very seriously. He is not dangerous, but he will follow you around asking you if you’re a track star, because you’ve been running through his mind all night. And if you ignore him he’ll think you’re playing hard to get and probably ask you if you’re a track star again.
5. Always Empty Your Bowels Before Beer Bonging:
Nothing makes it harder to hold in your excretions than being held upside down in the arms of a giant tan guy named “Tad” who is shaking you up and down and screaming at you to “chug”.
6. Try Not To Get Waterboarded:
This is more of a general rule, apply this rule in general.
(Photo Via: PhilScotAndrew)