A Review Of The Hurt Locker By Someone Who Didn’t See It

By Daniel Dominguez on March 8th, 2010

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A Review Of The Hurt Locker By Someone Who Hasn’t Seen The Hurt Locker But Wants To Seem Like He Has.

Dude, it was awesome. I can totally see why that movie won an academy award. I especially loved all the references to lockers in the movie. And to the hurting within them.

The movie takes place in … uhh … the 1990s, sometime. It’s the story of this … high school kid that has a locker that is a pretty special locker. But he doesn’t let anyone else see inside the locker. So then there are these other kids that want to see what’s in the locker, but he doesn’t show them. And then this girl shows up and he’s in love with the girl so they go out on dates, and the kids try to get into the locker and one of them does and he disappears.

And then the kid that has the locker goes to school the next day and he’s like, “Hey, someone went into my locker!” But no one will say who did and they’re all like what happened to the guy that tried to go in that other guy’s locker? I mean, what happened to him?!?!

So then a bunch of the movie happens and the guy and the girl end up really liking each other but they can’t get together because things are in the way and all the people who want to know about the guy’s locker keep disappearing and then the Principal of the High School gets suspicious and so he disappears. But the chick from earlier loves the guy whose locker it is so she’s all, “there’s no way he’s responsible for the killings cuz I love him so much and blah blah blah,” like how girls talk.

And then the end happens where the guy catches the girl he loves opening his locker, and he’s all “Noooo! Whyyyy! I told you never to open the locker!” and the locker is full of spikes, and he closes the locker on her and he’s crying and he’s all like, “Welcome to the Hurt Locker.” The end.

And it’s fucked up cuz they were in love.