Paris Hilton Is Too Sexy??

By Mark Lorenz on February 26th, 2010

• Tweet
• Link to StumbleUpon
• 1 Comment

There are many adjectives one could think of when describing Paris Hilton — but sexy? What is this, 2003?

Apparently. Paris Hilton, for those of you who just came into the gossip scene, is basically as close as you’ll ever find to a being made completely from fame. She’s the heir to a hotel fortune, only her grandfather basically cut her family out of the will, so she’s been shilling hard for every possible thing that she could shill for. Like energy drinks, perfume — Paris Hilton even has sponsored shoes and dog collars. Everything that Paris Hilton could whore out, including Paris Hilton and her dangling-goat genitals.

But according to Brazil, she’s far too sexy.

Wait, what? Yes, you heard that correct. Paris Hilton is too sexy for Brazil. Maybe Brazil mistook themselves for a less-stereotypically sexy South American country, like Peru, or Ecuador. But even the poorest of the poor in those countries could outsex Paris Hilton. I mean, all this does is lend credence to the statistic I made up that anyone who finds Paris Hilton sexy has to be foreign.

She did a beer ad, which is unlikely to air in Brazil. Not because everything she touches turns to failure, but because no less than THREE investigations have been launched regarding the ad. What did they investigate?

It’s too “sensual.” It encourages excessive consumption. It’s sexist and disrespectful to women.

That sounds like every commercial ever. You fail, Brazil.