Jennifer Lopez Dropped By Her Record Label

By Mark Lorenz on February 24th, 2010

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Today is a sweet day to be alive.

You might remember Jennifer Lopez performing at the AMAs, and wondered the same thing I did, which is, “Why the hell is Jennifer Lopez performing at the AMAs? Shouldn’t she be managing her production company, rife with films that AREN’T going to be released? Is she trying to relive the late 90s, when she was relevant?? What in the holy name of all that is sacred is going on here?”

Turns out she was promoting her new album. Did you know Jennifer Lopez still made music? I didn’t either. And neither did her record label, Sony/Epic who decided to dump her after her being signed on about 11 years. Today is the day fans of South Park have been waiting for. Jennifer Lopez, diva extraordinaire, Hollywood’s tackiest joke, and probably one of the worst actresses and singers alive, is finally getting her comeuppance.

The label tried releasing her first two signals, but they crashed and burned worse than that time I let my blind servant drive an oil tanker. Okay. Bad allusion. But still. She tried releasing a single named after expensive shoes. Loboutins. If you’re going to name a single off of a pair of shoes, you might as well name your album, “Creatively Bankrupt.” So Sony dropped her, with Jopez claiming they went their ways amicably.