Top 3 Hottest Supreme Court Justices

By Daniel Dominguez on February 19th, 2010

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The Supreme Court Justice appointment process is a long, sexy process full of wet t-shirt contests, topless adjudicating, the dreaded runway lingerie-and-determining-whether-evidence-is-admissible-showdown, all culminating in the world’s most litigious bikini bake-off. Many have argued that the process for determining a female Supreme Court Justice is too focused on physical beauty and whether or not the candidate can pick up a quarter off of a bus seat with their breasts, but those people are homosexuals.

Some have also argued that the lack of women represented on the Supreme Court women has to do with a history of sexism and oppression of women, but I would argue it is because so few women can successfully do the quarter trick.

Those that can have gone on, however, to be some of the most important constitutional guardians in the history of our nation, plus Ruth Bader-Ginsburg can suck a bowling ball through a silly straw.

Here below is the official MANOLITH list of the sexiest  Female Supreme Court Justices.

1. Sandra Day O’ Connor

Born just outside of El Paso, Texas, a childhood spent on a cattle ranch is what gave Sandra Day O’ Connor what Clarence Thomas described as, “Thighs that could break the neck on a biker.” Sandra Day O’ Connor went to Radford School For Girls, an all-girl’s high school, where she learned arithmetic, poise, and how to pillow fight without getting split ends. As if that wasn’t sexy enough she attended Stanford University where she received a bachelors in Economics, and later a bachelor of Laws. Cementing her sexy cred with twin degrees from the one of the most prestigious (and hot) universities in America, she then became a Groupie for Morris Day and the Time, and spent most of her twenties satisfying Morris Day in exchange for lodging and access to the catering truck.

1.Ruth Bader-Ginsburg

Ruth Bader-Ginsburg, or as she is known on the Supreme Court “Ahhhhh Shit!”, was the first Supreme Court justice to argue for the need for a disco ball, limbo bar, and Malibu Rum fountain at the Supreme Court so that she could, and I quote, “Get my fucking drink on.” Ruth Bader-Ginsburg is well known for her belief in the need for an equality doctrine for men and women being established as a constitutional principle, and also for partying first and asking questions later. Ruth Bader-Ginsberg has cultivated the “Vulture look,” where you deliberately let your net get long and crooked and then have your hands shrivel until they look like claws, which teen girls across the country are emulating. “I like the look because it’s so hot, and also because it relaxes your throat,” say Minny Wilkins, a high school senior from Orange County, California. When Mrs. Bader-Ginsburg isn’t busy advocating for abortion rights, or striking down Nebraska’s partial-birth abortion laws in the seminal case Stenberg vs. Carhart, she can be seen on the new Girls Gone Wild Video “Supreme Court Sluts” sitting without her shirt on in a hot tub full of pina colada mix.

3. Samuel Alito

Though there have only been three female Supreme Court justices, the official MANOLITH list of sexy female Supreme Court justices includes male justice Samuel Alito rather than Sonia Sotomayor. Some have argued that the lack of women represented on the official MANOLITH list of Supreme Court Justices has to do with a history of sexism and oppression of women, but as I have argued it is more likely because so few women can successfully do the quarter trick. And yes, that implies that Samuel Alito is exceptional at the quarter trick.