Popular recording artists “Vampire Weekend” have released an album called Contra, and in one of their songs (“I Think Ur A Contra”) they pose an argument. It’s a simple song, with a simple message. Vampire Weekend thinks that you and your friends are indeed Contras. But what is a Contra? Let us discuss.
YOU ARE AN ANTI-SANDANISTAN NICARAGUAN POLITICAL FACTION.
Reagan funded you, and thusly you flourished with new weapons. Soon, though, this scandal broke free and many became aware of your dabbling with the American presidency. Thankfully, history has swept this under the rug.
YOU ARE A VIDEO GAME OR COMIC BOOK.
Contra Alliance and Contra: You always go from left to right and thusly have no political compass as such. Shockingly, you fire upon EVERYONE and EVERYTHING and receive a goddamn BONUS for your work at the end of the day. Is there no END to your insanity? Why don’t you blink? Why must you destroy? Why don’t you love? Can you not experience love like a human being? What is your problem? Why must you be the way you are?
YOU ARE A SMALL TOWN IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA
With the last name of “Costa.”
If you are not one of these things, it is also possible that Vampire Weekend is WRONG.
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