Gentlemen, start your engines.
My friend Shannon Carney got a write-up in Time magazine for being one of the six-hundred odd people who bought Heidi Montag’s debut album. Although it only sold six hundred copies, it still somehow managed to wrangle Montag a mention on The View.
Hey, remember when everyone was watching The Hills? Everybody was talking about Heidi and Spencer’s next move, they were featured on every single gossip site, and had deals out the ass for reality shows? Yeah, that’s really not happening much anymore. Nobody cares about The Hills anymore. Everyone’s captivated by those loveable guidos on Jersey Shore now. In fact, to even get her name in the papers, Heidi had to augment her body with a ton of different surgical procedures. How many surgical procedures? I have no idea. That’s how much she’s slipped into obscurity. If it were the Heidi of yesteryear, it’d be printed all over every gossip site in history.
Now because Heidi’s augmented her body so extremely, so weirdly, to the point where it’s barely identifiable, guess who gave her an offer to get naked? Playboy magazine. Ahhh, Playboy. You are the paragons of pop culture. Whenever a starlet is down on her luck, or puts in new implants, you’re there to give them a test-run. And I respect you for that.
She’s been offered $500,000.
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