John Mayer Won’t Have Sex With Black Women

By Mark Lorenz on February 10th, 2010

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You know what I think? If John Mayer REALLY wanted to emulate old bluesmen, he could always die poor, live in obscurity, and blind himself. But he’s noncommittal like that.

John Mayer can’t stop being a douche. Somebody needs to intervene. Anybody needs to intervene. If there are a contingent of fans out there that care for his development as a human, speak up now and step in. Also, stop him from releasing albums of filler music, to placate the last decade of tastelessness.

There are a number of ways John Mayer expresses his myriad facets of douchiness. Among them, making music that has the visceral hit of bingo night at the old folks home, innocuous enough to appeal to the youth, with whiffs of banality enough to encompass adult-contemporary radio. Then there are the interviews. John Mayer recently gave an interview to Playboy, where, despite him swearing that he hates it when people talk about him in the tabloids and his relationships, he talks about virtually nothing but his relationships. Insights he gives? Jessica Simpson was like sexual crack, Jennifer Aniston didn’t understand new technology and wanted it to be 1998 again, and also, he uses the n-word. And says he doesn’t have sex with black women. When asked by Playboy if black women throw themselves at him, he responded. Oh, did he respond.

“I don’t think I open myself to it. My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a fuckin’ David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my dick.”

But John Mayer hates it when you talk about his personal life, instead of his music. So stop it.