We know that the terrorists like to use symbols of our material excesses as weapons against us, so it was probably only a matter of time before they started fitting female suicide bombers with explosive breast implants. Seems that Al-Qaeda has been sending dudes to Britain what for them to be learned in how to super size titties, only for these doctors to return home and replace the implants with plastic explosives. Making things worse is the fact that these breast bombs are going to be damn near impossible to detect. The only way to spot them is to use X-rays, and even then you’d probably have to know what to look for. Those new-fangled full-body scanning machines, the ones that take the erotic pictures of you, just became obsolete.
There is nothing funny or cool about this at all. That said, I’ve already sent my resume to TSA, offering my services as an airport security breast checker. For every Heidi Montag, there are at least 10 ladies who don’t want to admit to having implants. And how are we to know whether said ladies intend on using our juvenile fascination with grotesquely over-sized bazooms to blow a hole in the side of the red-eye from LAX to JFK? Gentleman, we must be vigilant in the face of such diabolical plots, and I am prepared to bite the bullet, to feel up every set of sweater puppies (profiling = bad) that walks through an airport. And if I feel like it, maybe I could report whether or not my hands detect anything fishy. It’s a dirty, thankless job, but freedom comes at a price my friends.
Persons of Interest:
1. Kelly Brook
2. Sophie Howard
3. Jwoww but not Snookie
4. The female population of Chatsworth (Porn Capital USA)
5. Christina Hendricks
6. …I get the feeling this list will never end
Comments
Mike
February 4th, 2010 - 6:18:03 PM
Gives a whole new meaning to "Tits and Explosions" doesn't it?
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