15 Worst Times, Ways, or Reasons to Dump Someone

By The Manolith Team on February 3rd, 2010

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We’ve all had our share of breakups in the past, and odds are unfortunately likely that we’ll have more to come, too. There are good ways and bad ways to end any relationship; while some of them may vary depending on the circumstances, there are generalities that apply to all. These are the 15 worst times, ways, and reasons for dumping someone — we’re not saying you can’t do it this way, just that you shouldn’t.

On Valentine’s Day

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No day of the year could be worse to a woman for being dumped. It may seem silly to us, and most women even recognize the holiday for what it is — a marketing ploy — but that doesn’t stop it from being a day that’s been ingrained in her mind as having to do with relationships since she was a child. Getting dumped on that day is going to hurt, and it’s going to hurt really badly. Be a chap and wait a week.

Via Text Message

There isn’t really a less classy way to break up with someone than via text message. 140 characters just isn’t enough to get out a coherent, thoughtful message; not in this case anyway. Using numbers for entire words and misspelling just about everything you type may be cute and efficient for everyday use among friends, but when you’re breaking someone’s heart it just comes off as douche.

In an Email

While this may in fact be far superior to doing the deed by text message, it’s still a far cry from proper. When you pull off a breakup by email, you run the risk of saying too much. You also provide the girl with a way to reply back instantly, which almost always leads to dragging things out, and this sort of thing is not something you want dragging on. This is all on top of the main reason — it’s impersonal, cold, and seen as just plain rude. You’re already the bad guy here, don’t make a worse name for yourself in the process.

Over the Phone

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Less cold and impersonal than a message by email, calling a girl on the phone to break up with her is almost bound not to work. You’re going to speak to her, probably ineffectively to begin with, and then you’re going to hear her sniffling and crying. She’s going to interrupt you, and she’s likely going to have some pretty good arguments as to why you’re making a mistake. You don’t stand a good chance of actually completing the breakup this way, and even if you do, you won’t feel very good about it when you hang up the phone.

On Any Major Holiday

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You need to avoid every major holiday on the calendar; Christmas, Thanksgiving, the Fourth of July and especially her birthday (she treats it like a national holiday) are all extremely sensitive in this business. If you ruin any of these days for her, you’ll be doing it for life, because women don’t tend to forget these things. Just because you’re breaking up with her doesn’t mean you need to take this from her as well. Waiting one day is enough to stave this off; in the case of her birthday, wait a week.

In Front of Her Friends or Family

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Never, under any circumstances, can you dump a girl in front of her friends, and especially not her family. Not only will you be taking an already uncomfortable situation, and putting her in a severely uncomfortable situation, but you also run considerable risk to your health. When she’s got her friends with her, chances of violent reaction rise dramatically. In the case of her family, you’ve got them to worry about. 

While She’s in Mourning

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If it hasn’t happened to you, then you may have a friend who’s experienced it. Women take loss especially hard, and that goes double for pets and sometimes even inanimate objects of sentimental value. If her goldfish just died, do not dump her. You’ll have to wait, or you run serious risk of pushing her into a deep depression. We shouldn’t have to tell you to wait if an actual family member of hers died.

In Front of a Large Audience

Note: Video has NSFW language.

As hilarious as this situation has the potential to be, it’s not a good way to go about doing these sorts of things. The only time this is acceptable is if she has done such immense wrong to you, that effectively demolishing her public standing is a warranted retaliation. If that’s not the case, then please, exercise some restraint and do the deed in private.

In a YouTube Video

Using YouTube to convey messages that were once wholly personal is becoming very popular these days, and breakups are not immune to the trend. The idea is simple, it’s a lot like doing it in front of a large audience, over the radio, or on television, except the video can be watched over and over again when it’s on YouTube. The harder you work to push the video, the more people that see it, and the bigger the douche you become. Exercise restraint, don’t do it this way unless she really wronged you somehow.

Because She Listens to Crappy Music

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It’s a well-known plague; hordes of women tend to listen to crappy music. There’s really no escaping it, what with the pervasiveness of manufactured rock and all its big-money backers. The key here is to not lose hope. There’s no reason to dump a girl because her taste in music sucks, because you can fix it. She’ll listen to you, explain to her what she’s missing, make it sound appealing enough and play her some actual music — she’ll probably love it.

Because She Hates Dogs

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In general, guys can get pretty attached to their pets, as can women. This issue doesn’t always have to be about dogs — it could be about a hamster or even a fish — but the moral remains the same; don’t end a relationship prematurely because of what’s probably a misunderstanding about an animal. If she hates your dog, find out why she hates your dog. Odds are, with a enough coaxing and time spent with the animal, she’ll come to her senses and chill out.

Because She Put On 20 Pounds

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We can’t even begin to describe how shallow this makes a guy, but it happens every day. When we get settled into relationships, we tend to relax on some things. We usually get happier, and as a result we tend to eat more; it all adds up to something pretty similar to the old Freshman 15. If you’re really so superficial that you’d dump a girl over a little weight gain, you won’t heed this warning anyway — but if you’re listening, give it some time. Make exercising something you two do as a couple. Make being fit something you both have together. Don’t throw it all away for a moment’s vanity.

Because You Hate Her Friends or Family

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This one’s a bit tough to reconcile, since these are the people that will be a big part of your life should you choose to stay with the girl. When it comes to her friends, don’t be afraid to put your foot down and tell her how you really feel. A woman’s friends aren’t so different from our own — most of them are idiots — she’ll listen if she cares about you and values your opinion. As for her family, you’re going to have to settle in for the long haul for the most part. Some bargaining can be done, but the most ground can be gained by getting her to realize that their bad behavior or sour attitude toward you is a problem. She’ll likely work to moderate and lessen the issue in the long run.

Ignore Her Calls

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Often called “the non-breakup,” ignoring her existence is not the same thing as breaking up with her. It’s downright childish and shows huge weakness as a man, and you should do the right thing by telling her what’s on your mind. Not doing so is only going to look pretty terrible on you in the long run, because at some point she’s probably going to come looking for closure. If you’re with another girl at the time and she hears the whole story about how you basically cut tail and run, she may change her mind about you too.

Telling Her Right After Sex

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While most of these are socially damaging to an extreme extent, this one’s intensely personal. Dumping a girl after having sex with her is no less than fully taking advantage of her. She’s going to feel used, to the extreme, and don’t be surprised if you hear her liken it to rape. It’s a bastardly thing to do, and she will tell her girlfriends about your oh-so gentlemanly behavior. Do the right thing, tell her the moment you’re sure and leave it at that. It’ll only make you a better person.