In Barack Obama’s newly proposed budget he has laid out plans to cut spending for a NASA program to go to the moon. Given that unemployment hovers at 10% and the United States has a deficit so large it makes Kathy Griffin’s personality seem… not … large, it might not be the best time to go to the moon. Going to the moon while the deficit is this high is kind of like applying for bankruptcy and then immediately going on vacation in Hawaii. The only logical reason I could see for going to the moon right now is if there are three million new jobs on the moon. And even if there are three million new jobs on the moon, there would still be the issue of a lack of infrastructure on the moon, and the terrifying moon demons, whose gnashing teeth and fowl tempers would surely be an end to all who ventured to the dark side.
Senator Bill Nelson who, big surprise, is a Florida Senator, the state that stands to lose out if Barack cuts the moon program, stated, “[T]he president’s green-eyeshade-wearing advisers are dead wrong. And I, for one, intend to stand up and fight for NASA, and for the thousands of people who stand to lose their jobs.”
First of all Bill Nelson, the president’s advisers wear a variety of eye shades. Second, even if all of them wore green eye shades, how is it insulting to insinuate that the president’s advisers are accountants or financial advisers? Isn’t that exactly who you would want advising the president on the economy? Bill Nelson therefore receives a mere 2-out-of-10 on the Oh Snap! board. If he had said, “The president’s eye shade’s mama’s are so fat that when they sit around the house, they really sit around the house,” or, “The president’s advisers love to wear boners … in their mouths,” those would have both been acceptable Oh Snaps! In not doing so, however, Bill Nelson has lost my respect.
Third, Bill Nelson, yes jobs will be lost in your home state if we don’t put money into going to the moon, but even the most basic look at the state of the country’s economy makes traveling to the moon seem crazy superfluous. Why not redirect those funds into green jobs, and how about when we’re done preventing a global warming apocalypse then we can think about traveling back to a place that has no mineral wealth, water, food growth capacity, or oxygen.
It seems to me that Bill Nelson is more worried about his own political future, than the economic future of the country at large. Either that, or he is secretly working for the moon demons, and wants to send us all to the moon to sate their toothy, unending hunger for human flesh. Or worse, and I would never want to suggest this, but Bill Nelson (D-Florida) could even be a moon demon in disguise. I don’t think the evidence for that is clear though. The only things about Bill Nelson that are even remotely moon demon-like are the fact that he has eight rows of metal teeth, and before he is willing to vote on a bill in the Senate he always tacks on the rider, “and we must set aside eight or more humans for myself, Bill Nelson, to eat, because I am in fact a moon demon.”
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