As we state often, there are always exceptions to every rule, but some things are fairly universal. Women tend to hold their own birthdays in high regard; there’s the happy party vibe, and there’s the mild self-loathing that accompanies her feeling of getting one year older. It’s a tense time for any would-be gift giver, to be sure. There are certain things that guys simply should not get their girlfriends for their birthdays, however — unless she explicitly asks for them. Some could get a guy slapped, and some might hurt not for what they could get him, but for what he won’t be getting after giving them. These are the 15 worst birthday gifts to give a girlfriend; don’t make any of these mistakes.
Any Household Appliance
Nothing says romance like a vacuum cleaner. You may think you’re being thoughtful, but the sight of a brand new toaster, vacuum, iron, and so on is tantamount to saying “how about you clean up your dump of an apartment.” Unless she’s in genuine need of one of these things, and asks for it, this is not what you want to hand her on that special day.
Acne or Wrinkle Creams
We see women spend ridiculous amounts of money and time on facial creams, exfoliants, complexion repair treatments, “age-defying” lotions and all the other things they gobble up on a regular basis. Some of us might get the bright idea to get a girl some of this stuff for her birthday, thinking it’s normal and apparently appreciated. We’d be wrong. Getting a girl anything but scented lotions is like saying she needs some work done, and she’s not likely to appreciate that very much.
Gym Membership
This should be a no-brainer, but it happens. Guys run into the problem fairly often; their girl gets a little lazy with work and school and setting aside relaxation time, or there’s just too many shots and not enough laps — whatever the case may be, getting her a gym membership is not the answer. It’s liable to get you slapped if you’re not careful (duck fast) and there’s really no way around the fact that it’s pretty insulting.
Nose Hair Trimmer
As odd as this sounds, it’s happened more times than should ever be counted. Usually as part of a bigger package, lazy guys make the mistake of not accounting for the unisex nature of travel kits. It’s bad enough that you’re handing your girlfriend a totally insincere, last minute “gift,” but having a nose hair trimmer as part of the deal is like a slap to the face — something you should probably expect if you try this one.
A Cook Book
Much like the household appliances, this screams anything but romance. In fact, what it says most is “get to the kitchen and make me sandwich.” You may as well hand her some oven mitts, an apron, and a bag of flour while you’re at it. As nice as it’d be, we don’t live in the world of Mad Men, and you’d be safer taking her out to dinner instead of giving her instructions on how to make you dinner.
A Bikini Wax Kit
This says “I don’t like the way your whole crotch looks, and I’d like you to change that for me.” Not exactly the romantic message you want to send to a girl on her birthday, is it? A gift certificate to an expensive, full service salon/spa that also offers bikini wax services is a better bet. You never know, while she’s there, she may decide on her own to go ahead and trim the grounds.
Facial Hair Remover
These things, hilarious as they may be, are all the rage right now among women. They apparently do work for all sorts of things, but women don’t generally react well to guys suggesting they use them. You may think you’re being clever in getting her a useful tool to use in her never ending quest for beauty, but she’ll think you’re telling her she has a mustache and a unibrow.
A Stripper Pole
No matter how much she may flirt with the idea of getting one of these things, her birthday is not the day to present her with one. If she decides she wants a stripper pole, an event for which the odds are decidedly against, then feel free to offer to buy her one when that time comes. Just don’t be that guy who gives his girlfriend a stripper pole for her birthday; you’ll never hear the end of it.
Workout Videos
Somewhat like the stripper pole, these ridiculous things are often talked about by women who are fully aware of how dumb they are, but still find some recreational and exercise value in them. The thing is, you can’t just up and give her one of these workout DVDs, and you definitely can’t do it on her birthday. It’s basically saying “you could use this, you’ve been letting yourself go.”
Expensive Diet Plans
You watch her eat like a bird, she’s picky as hell, she wants to lose five pounds, she eyes every diet in every magazine, and so on, and so on. It doesn’t matter what she says or thinks, you’re not supposed to agree with her in the first place, much less force any sort of diet on her. Even if you spend $1000 on some fancy, wholly ridiculous diet plan and hand it to her, you’re still saying “you’re fat, eat this instead, fatty.”
Tickets to an Event You Want to Attend
This is usually pretty hilarious to watch take place, but painful at the same time. It goes something like this: Guy wants to go to game/concert/fight/etc. Girl wants to go see [insert any female singer/songwriter] live in concert. Guy doesn’t listen and/or care and buys “her” a pair of extremely expensive tickets to the event that he wants to see, and hands them to her acting like he just gave her an amazing gift. She struggles not to strangle him, thinks he’s an idiot, and she’s right.
Anything for Her Car
You might think you’re being super helpful and cute by getting her something for her car; maybe it’s a set of matching seat covers or maybe it’s a GPS navigation unit, or even a new sound system that makes your own look like crap. News flash: Chicks don’t really care. If it’s some sort of interior add-on, she’s probably not going to like the color, because she would rather choose it herself or not buy it at all. If it’s electronics, then she probably won’t see the use in it since her stuff works just fine, or she’ll use it like it’s cheap OEM garbage and completely waste the money you spent on it. Just leave her car alone, it’s not worth going there.
The Walgreens Special
Evidence that a guy completely forgot or blew off his girlfriend’s birthday until the very last minute, the Walgreens Special is simple: You hit up Walgreens or any drug store that lies between work and home, and raid the place for anything and everything that could possibly fill the gaping hole that should be filled with a real birthday present.
A Card with Money
What are you, her grandfather? Nothing says love like a wad of cash, right? Giving her money for her birthday is basically treating her like a prostitute, and that’s how she’ll feel. You may as well leave it on the nightstand, and give her a slap on the ass while you’re at it. Don’t be her John, be her boyfriend.
Nothing at All
While, in most cases, she won’t even say a word should you get her absolutely nothing for her birthday, this is the absolute worst thing you could do. Even if she swears up and down for three months beforehand that she doesn’t want a present from you, you should attempt to find some way to honor her wishes but go against them at the same time — even if it’s a single flower, or taking her out to dinner. Just don’t blow it off like you got away with something, she’ll remember it.
When I was 10, my father gave my mom an ironing board cover for Christmas. It’s family legend that we still talk about yearly. I can still hear my mom yelling “You can take back your cover you son of a…” It was not a good Christmas.
http://jimasks.me/youve-gone-on-a-couple-of-dates-with-a-seemingly-wonderful-person–you-find-out-they-have-20-years-military-experience-and-in-general-youre-a-pacifist
I gave her nothing at all…
And now we are going to get married. She’s the love of my life and I’m the love of her life. Why nothing? We’re saving for a wedding & home. A friend said to me, “you could’ve given her a rose or something.” I could have but I didn’t. 
I stuck to my guns telling her that I wasn’t going to get her anything for Valentine’s day. Besides, she already knows I give her so much when it’s NOT her bday or Valentine’s day. so HA!!!
I would be over the moon if my boyfriend paid up my gym membership for a year, bought me a banging car stereo or a really nice kitchen appliance I’ve been wanting (I’d do dirty things for a KitchenAid stand mixer). Unfortunately I’m single, so I’ll just keep my toned abs, cupcakes and bass-laden tunes to myself.
@ Nothing At All: Who are you trying to convince??
You should add avoid pets of any kind.
I once received a hairless rat. Who knew that a hairless needed an haired rat to keep him warm. Unfortunately my boy rat received a girl companion and not the boy I had requested….Yup you guessed it. lots, lots of babies. Half with hair half without.
i agree with beanie. i would be happy with those things too. even a wax cause he’s the one who’d be seeing it!!
these are actually some good ideas gifts to give the gf LOL
http://www.likemyscreenshot.com
Hahah sucks to be heterosexual.
And this is why women are ridiculous, especially for the last one.
So this list pretty much says you cann’t get a women anything as a gift but don’t get her nothing
Sigh.
See, sometimes, SOMETIMES, when a woman you know well says they’d be fine with you getting them nothing, *they mean it.*
For whatever reason, I hate getting gifts. From anyone. I’d rather my boyfriend just spend some time with me as opposed to buying me something that’s either going to die or sit around and collect dust.
Just get her something petty and useless since that’s all that’s left.
Once my (now ex) boyfriend got me a set of speakers for Christmas. Which would have been fine, except:
A) he gave them to me two weeks after Christmas, and
B) they were his spare set of speakers.
A year or so later he asked for them back.
Really nice guy, just missed some key points about gifts somewhere along the way.
I got a GPS from my boyfriend(now husband) and it is by far, one of my most favorite gifts I have gotten. (And I’ve had a few from Tiffany’s too).
this is why i dont get gifts for women because anything that is usefull they dont want. but you get them something expensive and usless like dimands they are happy.
I think if your girlfriend is a foodie, a cookbook is an outstanding idea for a gift.
*phew*A butt plug is _not_ on the list. I was concerned as I didn’t keep the receipt.
I would like a cookbook – I love to cook.
And actually, if he’d heard me mention something about wanting a GPS/new stereo/blender, that would be great to get. I’d love knowing that he’d paid attention. In fact, if I had a boyfriend buy me a 20-jar spice holder, I’d be ecstatic – I’ve wanted one forever.
Unfortunately, I’m single this year, so no V-day present for me. Sure as hell beats last year though, since last year my boyfriend broke up with me on V-day…
aw kate
It’s safe to say you’re an ass. Just because you’re engaged doesn’t mean you throw all romanticism out the window. I would be seriously pissed off if my husband didn’t get me anything at all.
I said the above.
“NOTHING AT ALL” – You’re an ass. That’ll show her. Stick to your guns. She won’t have to worry about you ever going above and beyond for her. She’s probably just another accessory to add to your collection.
I’ve bought my girlfriend a whole bunch of things for her car for gifts–GPS unit, Bluetooth stereo system, and an electric car starter, to name three. And she’s loved every single one. So as long as you know what you’re doing in the way of purchasing these gifts, I’d say go for it.
Seriously? You think your girlfriend won’t appreciate a GPS that speaks to her in a sexy british man voice?
i need a amazing cookbook, i plan to give my beloved friend. hey i am bery new to blogging digg my articles from here..
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You forgot:
duct tape, corded power drill, wratchet set, measuring tape, WD40.
These were given to me by an ex boyfriend. He intended me to become more tool-savvy and independent. It was his way of saying I could make it without him.
(but the “corded” power drill pissed me off…cordless is so much more functional)
Beanie:
You live anywhere near Washington…
You are totally my kind of chick…
Bob ; )
p.s. I just got a Kitchenaid PROFESSIONAL 600 mixer I’d be happy to share : )
I happen to love electronics, so I don’t agree with all points. I do have two mobile phones with GPS and Google Maps, so I don’t really want a GPS. Also, I need a newer car, so buying stuff for the current one would be a waste, even if I’ve blown most of my speakers. There may well be some events he wants to attend that I’d like to attend with him, if only to be with him (and because it shows that he doesn’t consider me to be a killjoy, but someone who adds to his enjoyment). Paying to my Taekwondo membership wouldn’t be hated, if I didn’t find receiving expensive gifts to be so discomfiting.
Valentine’s Day is coming,I think the best gift for Valentine’s day is MBT
shoes.I’ve always been a shoe type of girl.I like how you said you look straight down to people’s footwear cause I always do that.lol.I have a huge closet where all my shoes are kept back home with a lock on it so my little sister won’t wear them. haha. anyways,I got my Christian Louboutin shoes yesterday too and they look sexy as fuck.
Great article! Buying gifts for girls is tough – I like http://gwisher.com/news.html
My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year, and for his bray I went all out, spent almost 400$ (which took me like 4 months to save), brought him a birthday cake to work, and made another one, and he loooves his gift. So for my birthday he bought me a cheap gps, although I have never mentioned wanting one, ever. I’m very hurt by this, not only because it showed no thought, but also bc I’m fairly positive he bought it on his lunchbreak the day of my bday. I’ve thought he was the one since the beginning, but now I’m wondering if there’s some hidden meaning behind this…?
My husband of 9 years bought me a paper shredder for my birthday last year. This year, he decided to give a gift card….I am tired of his crappy gifts. I bought him a new laptop (and I’m still paying for it a year later!!!) I’ve tried dropping hints, but he’s too dense to pick them up!
OMG…why would you buy a laptop you couldn’t afford that you’re still making payments on for your husband? Whoa…talk about stupid.
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Today is my birthday and my boyfriend wanted to take me out of town. I was excited but there was a catch.He wanted To catch a ride with his friends instead of us traveling alone. Friends that I have never met or heard of. Now he tells me that I hurt his feelings cuz Im not appreciating that he is trying.And now I am stuck home and he is no where around.
For her birthday, put a gate around the kitchen so she can’t leave it.
I would much rather have these presents than what my boyfriend gave me last year. I assume you have all heard of ice luges for shots. My boyfriend got me one in the mold of boobs…….
frankly i’d be happy with a 25 cent toy out of those dispensors in front of kroger. My birthday is the 16th (today)which is way too close to valentines, so i’ll be happily supprised and grateful if my boyfriend gets me anything at all. Just spending time with me is enough.
I got an apron. A skimpy craft one that you have to decorate yourself. And he noticeably left the house to go buy it. Husbands that don’t buy their wives nice jewelry and make her feel special will pay for it forever- and not in a good way!
does a lunchbox fall into the first 15 worst birthday gifts! lmao