Brangelina’s Not Done Yet

By James Melzer on January 24th, 2010

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I knew it was too good to be true.

It all started when London’s News of the World reported that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were calling it quits. The internet has been buzzing with the news all weekend, and now TMZ has the scoop that according to one trusted source, it’s all bullshit.

Today’s lesson: Never trust a Brit.

The couple reportedly started dividing up their assets after signing separation papers earlier this month. With an estimated fortune of $330 million, which includes estates in France, New Orleans and Los Angeles, they would have faced the challenge of moving on with their lives. Sadly, that’s not the case, but Haitian children can now breathe a sigh of relief, as I’m sure the couple are already stocking up on baby Dolce and Gabbana wear. This whole thing comes after months of speculation that the relationship was over, after various news media reported that the couple were seen fighting in public over where they would score their next tax shelter. Sorry, I mean child.

Okay, I’m done. Who the hell cares?

Angelina Jolie hasn’t done a decent movie since, well, ever, and Pitt looks like he’s growing Cthulhu on his face these days. I hated Inglourious Basterds, could care less about the public image charity work, and man oh man, I’m still pissed over that whole Jennifer Aniston thing. Forget Team Coco, Team Edward, and Team America. I was Team Aniston all the way, baby!

Just when it looked like we could say good riddance to bad celebrity name combination’s forever, we’re stuck with Brangelina for a little while longer.

Sorry, Madonna. Back of the line!

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