Hot on the heels of the news that McDonald’s just released a Big Mac Burrito is the news that one in five American teenagers is currently overweight. There is an upside however, as scientists have suggested that, “while there are more fat teenagers than ever, by contrast, this makes the hot ones seem even hotter.”
This huge increase in overweight teens can be explained by several factors. The first being that the United States has less than 5% of the world population, yet uses over 20% of the world’s resources, and those resources have to go somewhere, and they tend to go on teenage wastes. In fact, the United States was the first country to be officially declared to have economic “muffin top” by the United Nations.
Other reasons for the alarming rise in teenage obesity include a dramatic rise in sedentary activity like video games, drinking booze while sitting on the couch, television watching, and complaining about how “Dad doesn’t get me, man.” It hasn’t helped that teenage males often consider the rise in frozen yogurt culture as “gayballs” and the eating of ice cream as “fucking hetero to the max”. Things like the Big Mac Burrito, Del Taco’s incredible love of using trans fat in their products, and the Denny’s Grand Slam Burrito- which is a sausage, scrambled eggs, hash browns, and pancakes all covered in syrup wrapped in a burrito (one can only assume that Denny’s invented this menu item in order to quickly kill everyone and everything)- certainly aren’t helping the problem.
Meanwhile, thankfully, teenagers on prime time network TV dramas continue to maintain a 0 out of 5 obesity ratio. With a breast implant ratio of 7 out of 5. And a pouty lips and sexily dramatic haircut ratio of 19 out of 1.
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