WWMLK Jr. Tweet?

By Daniel Dominguez on January 19th, 2010

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Vanity Released put out an articulate speculating on what use Martin Luther King Jr., the great civil rights leader, would make of twitter. Baratunde Thurston, the article’s author, wrote up a dozen or so fake posts that he thought Martin Luther King might have made were twitter around in his time.

But there are many important historical figures besides Martin Luther King Jr., and I think, given my two History 101 and 201 college classes, and my position as blogger at Manolith.com, I think I can accurately assess what they would have said. Here below is list of what various important historical figures would have tweeted had they had Twitter when they were alive:

JFKennedy: @MarylinMonroe  Hey Marylin… U left Ur panties In my Mouth! So Rad.

JFKennedy: @JOnassis Sorry home late. Wuz bowling.

RichardNixon: I M HungRy! Where R Sum Poor People 2 eat?

RichardNixon: @PoorPeople  Seriously tho U R D-licious.

GeorgeBushSr.: @GBushJrPartytime  Damnit son, U got beer everywhere! One more time and U CanT B President.

StromThurmond: If U R Black Pleeeeeeeze unfollow ME!!!! #Grrrrrrr!

EmilyDickenson: This is Sooo Gr8! Now I NevR have 2 leave my room! #ThanksTwitter

ThomasJefferson: @SallyHemmings Hey Sal… U left Ur panties in my Mouth! So Rad.

ThomasJefferson: @WifeofThomasJefferson  Sorry home late. Wuz bowling with some slaves. Surprisingly good bowlers.

AbeLincoln: No one must ever know my secret love of men. It won’t be socially acceptable 4 another 200 years. Oh wait. This is a public forum. Shit.

RingoStarr: I only have 6 subscribers… :(  Paul has like 223432432 subscribers. Wut gives?

KingGeorge: I just 8 a pillow! Some 1 put a bat N my head!

RockHudson: @Women Another Gr8 day of being attractive 2 women. Which is what I am. Attracted 2 women. Seriously.

FranzKafka: Hiz job Ground him to pulp Nd fed him 2 the great grovelling Dog of the Universe. God.

FranzKafka: @followers  Hey Guyz R mY posts 2 dark?

AnneFrank:

AnneFrank: I think itz safe 2 tweet now.

AnneFrank:

AnneFrank: Shit.

EugeneDebs: While there iz a soul in prison, I M not Free.

NelsonMandela: I M the master of my fate. I M the captain of my soul.

AshtonKutcher: Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaart! #MyButthole