South Korea’s Cell Phone Wars Heat The Hell Up

By Daniel Dominguez on January 18th, 2010

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South Korea, long known around the world as, “The place wealthy businessmen go to get away with doing offensive things,” is getting a new reputation. Now people are starting to think of them as, “The place wealthy businessmen go to get away with doing offensive things that also happens to have a new Motorola cell phone for sale.”

Motorola, who has been struggling since they haven’t released a hit cell phone type since the Razr (the only cell phone that, instead of batteries, ran entirely on Grey Goose and Red Bull), has decided to enter the South Korean market, where Apple already has plans to conquer and dominate. Apple has found it easy to conquer and dominate in South Korea, because traditionally all you need to conquer and dominate anything in South Korea is an out of the way motel room, the ability to turn off guilt, to know a pimp named “Sleepy Jack”, condoms, and any major credit card.

The new Motorola cell phone, named the Motoroi, is the first cell phone in South Korea to utilize Google’s new Android technology. From what I understand, due in part to my extreme lack of technological understanding, Google’s new Android technology allows Motoroi users to kill John Conner, to prevent him from leading a rebellion against the robots.

Motorola has been doing poorly in South Korea compared to Apple’s Iphone, mostly because the Iphone, unlike the Motorola’s South Korean phone offerings, will let you do anal.