Mehmet Ali Agca, who tried to assassinate Pope John Paul II in 1981 was freed from a Turkish prison today. Immediately upon his release from prison Mehmet declared himself “Christ Eternal” and said that he was planning on writing a “new and perfect Gospel” because the old one was flawed. Mehmet is sort of like Pat Robertson, if Pat Robertson were Italian, in much better shape, and blinked a lot more. His delusions of divinity have caused him to shoot at a Pope and later a Journalist, where if only he had met Rick Rubin he might have instead, like so many others, gone on to make great experimental rock/funk fusion records. Such is the way with the most interesting people, they tend to be the ones who are most capable of great good or great evil.
Mehmet ali Agca’s attempt to kill Pope John Paul II led people to suspect that he was working for the Soviet Union, on account of John Paul’s anti-communist stance on his home country of Poland. Glen Beck, by contrast, believes anyone to be working for the Soviet Union if they voted for Barack Obama, buy a foreign car, or don’t mention the American Flag while saying grace.
Mehmet has spent most of his life in prison, which is basically the only thing he has in common with Mumia Abu Jamal. For those of you who don’t know who Mumia Abu Jamal is, he basically only has one thing in common with Mehmet Ali Agca, and that is that he has spent the majority of his life in prison.
Mehmet Ali Agca has far more in common with Miley Cyrus. Both of them tried to kill the Pope in 1981, both of them are suspected of deep ties to the Soviet Secret Police, both of them recorded a song called “Party in the USA” to throw authorities off the scent after a failed assassination attempt against a left-wing journalist, and both of them think watermelon flavored lipstick is, “like, totally the way to go.”