While there are exceptions to every rule, the fact remains that the rule exists. Most women, like men, will behave in certain expected ways, especially once in a committed relationship. Some of us may be lucky enough to find a woman who somehow manages to break all the rules, but those are about as common as unicorns, and let’s just face facts here, there’s no such thing as unicorns. These are the 15 most annoying things that most girlfriends do, and yes — you have to put up with all of them.
Random Item Relocation
Nothing could be more vexing to realize while heading out the door than that you have no idea to where your hat, jacket, or even shoes have disappeared to. Girlfriends have an uncanny knack for arbitrarily deciding that there is a proper place for an item you have improperly placed for months, or even years on end — without incident. When you finally exhaust your searching abilities and ask them where they’ve hidden your stuff, their response is nearly always that it’s where it belongs. Where that may be, only they will know.
Unwanted “Organization” of Your Stuff
Much like the singular item relocation, girlfriends will take it upon themselves to upgrade your imperfect organization of stuff, your stuff. Whether it’s your DVD collection, your sock drawer, or everything in the kitchen, she’ll completely overhaul the system you had going. Trying to explain to them that you even had a system to begin with is a waste of breath, since they will promptly explain to you that that isn’t really a system at all and that their way is the right way.
Whether you feel like going to McDonald’s or the classy joint downtown, your girlfriend will likely dress as though you’re going to a fancy soirée and spend no less than an hour preparing for it. It doesn’t matter that you’ll only need about two minutes to put on your jeans and find where she’s hidden your socks. To the same tune; when winter starts dropping the temperature, she’ll begin dressing as though there’s a blizzard outside when it’s barely cold enough for a sweatshirt. Her excuse for this is usually that her ears get cold, when it’s far more likely that she doesn’t like her light jacket anymore, and wants to wear her parka because it’s cuter.
She’s Late for Everything
There is no difference between getting ready to go to the bar, out to dinner, out to a movie, to see your parents, or to cross the street and sit at the park. Girlfriends often feel the need to spend an hour (or three) preparing themselves for the outing. If you wise up to this early, and give them a full five hours warning, they will wait until 20 minutes beforehand to begin this preparation. Despite decades of intense social-study on the subject, there is no logical explanation for this.
The Sheer Amount of Toiletries She Needs
Men like to keep their bathrooms distinctly spartan, that is until a girlfriend arrives and inevitably stakes her claim. We tend to have a couple of items to support our shaving habits, some deodorant, shampoo, soap and a toothbrush. She, however, will bring half of Walgreens with her and set it up on every conceivable flat surface she can find, and possibly even add some shelving to facilitate the takeover.
She Whines About Everything
Work, another woman’s hair, her own hair, her thighs, another woman’s thighs, the weather, her mother, your mother, your socks; it really doesn’t matter what the subject is, because she can and will whine about everything. Things that guys don’t even think about seem to irk women, and they all come out when a girlfriend takes root in your life.
Pillows – Millions of Pillows
One might think that beds are made for sleeping in, but they’d be wrong. Apparently, unbeknownst to men everywhere, beds are in fact made to hold as many pillows as possible. Only a fraction of the pillows present are actually functional at any given point in time, while the rest are there for some unstated purpose. Sleeping on the bed requires several minutes of relocating pillows to suitable locations, which of course will be designated by the woman who placed them to begin with.
She Can’t Just Let Food Be Food
Guys don’t have a problem coming home to a fridge full of beer, bread, ketchup and hot dogs. We’ll be happy as clams in front of the TV with our minimalistic, efficient foodstuffs. Women can’t live like that; they need to have something different every day, and whatever it is, it can’t be plain. It has to be dressed up, special, gourmet. Ideally speaking, women wouldn’t even eat at home if they could help it — there’d always be “that cute little place” downtown. Whatever that place is, it changes with the weather.
She’s Attached to Her Phone
It doesn’t matter if you’re in the middle of dinner, a movie, a shower, or even sex (it’s happened to more guys than would ever admit it), most girlfriends are absolutely attached to their phones. They don’t actually have to accomplish anything on them, they just have to have them nearby. Usually, it’s a marathon round of texting that began six years ago when they met their best friend, and hasn’t ceased since. During the texting lull, however, you can count on her chatting away incessantly with any number of people, up to and including your own mother.
She Cries at the Drop of a Hat
It could have been because she stubbed her toe, or it could have been because she thought she stubbed her toe, and the idea of stubbing her toe was stressful enough an event to cause her to cry. Whatever the case may be, she cries at least once a week for what seems like no discernible reason. Technically, there’s always a reason, but it almost always winds up existing solely in her own head.
Movies: She Ruins Their Very Existence
This isn’t so much because she talks during your favorite part, or that she can’t stop fidgeting or playing with her phone during the movie. Those things are true, but the main problem here is a combination of her taste in movies, her insistence that you watch the movies she wants to see, and her (likely) complete lack of desire to actually pay enough attention to movies you want to watch to actually learn to enjoy them. On the whole, the effect is ruinous. Just bear with her on the chick flicks, and when you want to see something — leave her at home. You’ll enjoy it so much more that way.
She Can’t Be Content Just Staying Home
Primary motivation for guys to go out all the time as single males is because they’re single males. We go out, whether we realize it or not, with the understanding that we stand a better chance of getting laid that way. Once we have a girlfriend, the going out dwindles to a minimum, and it doesn’t so much phase the majority of us if we’re happy in our relationship. Women on the other hand, feel an intense urge to go out. They want to dress up, to be in public, to feel like socialites, and their logic is simple: They’ve got a closet full of fancy clothes they don’t need to wear at home.
She’s Got a Selectively Perfect Memory
Girlfriends remember every single fight we’ve ever had with them. They’ve got them all, stored and cataloged in their minds for use at a later date, but they only ever seem to remember the arguments in which they came out the victor. They also remember every single time we’ve been late for something, or forgotten something they wanted us to remember. They remember everything with crystal clarity — when they want to. Otherwise, mysterious memory lapses just seem to strike at the oddest moments.
Constant Guilt-Tripping and Martyrdom
This seems to go hand in hand with the selective memory and the crying at the drop of a hat. Women can claim martyrdom as a last resort to win any argument, while crying. They might make an outlandish claim, such as “I always cook dinner,” even if you actually cook three times a week. They might claim to clean the house, when in fact you divide cleaning chores evenly. There are any number of ways they can guilt-trip guys into folding in an argument, and they use them according to need.
Deeming All Things Technical to be Unimportant
Possibly one of the most irksome behaviors exhibited by women today, especially once they’re comfortable with their relationships, is utter disregard for the technical aspect of a thing. When a man sees a sports car, he likely recognizes it for the engine, suspension, equipment and any number of other things aside from the obvious fact that it looks good. Women will look at it and say “oooh it’s cute!” They want the newest smartphone not for its hardware or software, but because it looks new. They don’t care how something works, they just expect it to work. This behavior is largely responsible for the amount of times women will drive a car absolutely devoid of oil for two weeks while they wonder why on earth the warning light is on.
(Special thanks to inthefade.tumblr.com for lending us the cool converse pics)