NBC Owns Conan’s Soul

By Mark Lorenz on January 17th, 2010

conan-coco-1Did you think NBC was done kicking Conan when he was down? You clearly don’t know the television business. Say goodbye to your favorite Conan characters.

You know them, you love them. FedEx Pope, The Interrupter, and, most beloved of all, the Masturbating Bear. They brought you countless hours of enjoyment, more than a few nightmares, and a few disturbing conversations with your loved ones. But guess what? They’re all owned by NBC. That means every single segment you’ve ever seen Conan do, he can’t take with him when he leaves the network.

You will never, ever hear the high-pitched falsettos open the Year 2000 segment. Never again.

Of this entire debacle, I think that is the saddest thing. Not that Jay Leno is putting hundreds of people out of work. Not that Leno is kicking his heir off the network. Not that NBC suits aren’t creative enough to come up with good prime-time shows, so they’re as desperate for ratings as an ignored midwestern housewife is for validation. It’s that you will never see the Year 2000 skit again. And if you do, Conan could get sued.

One of the properties spared by this arrangement? Triumph, the insult comic dog. Here’s hoping he lets loose on Ben Silverman’s drug habits. Because you’d have to be high in order to make or approve most of the programming I’ve seen on NBC.

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