Stupid Kid Names: Not Just for Celebrities

By James Melzer on January 15th, 2010

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“Please have a seat if you’re waiting for MARIJUANA,” reads the sign outside a college counselor’s office. Now normally I’d be all over that. Hell, I’d wait at least a couple of days if it was free. Right up until I found out that MARIJUANA was actually the name of a person.

Marijuana Pepsi (yes, like the soft drink), has had to live with this bizarre name her whole life. She went through childhood, college, grad school, and eventually became a college counselor, despite hungry teens everywhere following her around hoping for a piece of that.

NBC News’ Contessa Brewer (don’t ask) caught up with Marijuana to find out the roots of her name. “I’ve grown into my name because I am a strong woman. I’ve had to be,” Marijuana Pepsi said, adding that she still wonders what made her mother pick that name. “I want to know, what was it about me that made her go, ‘You just look like a Marijuana Pepsi,’ ” she said.

I guess ‘Marijuana Twinkie‘ didn’t have the same ring.

But the buck doesn’t stop at Marijuana. Brewer found people with similar strange names, including Tahiti Starship, Yellow Light Bree, Cupcake Sanders, Crystal Sunshine Turpin Lemons (that’s a mouthful) and Tygerlily Gagnon. Oh, and don’t forget about the Wood kids, Drift and Timber.

Shakespeare once begged the question, “What’s in a name?” I guess the answer is a few bottles of wine and a couple of hits of acid. Parents, take note. When naming your kids at least call them something respectable like ‘King,’ or ‘Aussie Rules Football,’ because as Nancy Regan once said, “Just say no to drugs.”