Top 5 Most Embarrassing Terrorist Plots

By Daniel Dominguez on January 13th, 2010

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Now that we’ve seen a terrorist try to blow up his own underwear we at Manolith thought it was high-time we took a look back at some of the more embarrassing terrorist plots that were ever hatched. They are in no particular order, judge for yourself which are the most embarrassing.

1. Poison Tacos

In 1989 Walter Kronsman, a noted white power advocate from Dayton, Ohio, decided it would be a good idea to make poison tacos to serve to ethnic kids outside of the low-income shopping mall in town. He set up a taco stand outside the mall advertising $1 tacos and free salsa! The plan turned out to be extra embarrassing. First because underneath the $1 tacos sign he had hung up another sign that proclaimed “Good old fashioned American tacos,” and doubly embarrassing because Walter hadn’t eaten breakfast, got really hungry, and consumed several of the tacos before the mall had even opened. When the first family arrived they found Walter dead and surrounded by half-eaten tacos.

2. Really Sharp Margarita Umbrellas

Abdul Hassan Hassan, of Saudi Arabia, thought it would be a good idea in 1994 to craft a bunch of razor sharp Margarita Umbrella toothpicks. He reasoned that rich white women loved Margaritas and that it would be a great way to send a message if he killed a bar full of them. While he wasn’t wrong about rich white women, he did out of habit put all the razor sharp Margarita umbrellas in his pocket to take them to the bar. By the time he was halfway there he had already bled to death. His death report: “Cause of Death: Margarita Umbrellas” was up on the wall of the morgue for six weeks. A record.

3. The Nude Bomb

Originally a fictional idea in the first “Get Smart” movie, someone actually tried to invent a nude bomb several years later. The idea was to make a bomb that would blow off people’s clothing, embarrassing the United States and forcing all of its citizens to hide behind bushes and trash cans, out of shame. First, that’s not a great plan, and, second, the bomb didn’t work as intended. Instead it worked as an actual bomb, killing 34 civilians at an outdoor shopping center. When the police arrested the perpetrator he was heard to exclaim, “I only wanted to make them naked!” Which did nothing to lessen his sentence.

4. False Positive Gaydar

John Mullins, a PTSD suffering University professor from Plains, Texas, decided he would spread terror and mass confusion in 1998 by perfecting a Gaydar that activated when it was facing people that weren’t gay. The idea was that it would drive people insane questioning their own sexuality and send society into a spiral of chaos as heterosexuals went mad and took to the streets in their confusion. Instead of that, people at bars thought the device was funny, and now it’s a top seller at novelty shops across the country, second only to “Farting Jesus”.

5. Vietnam

Escalation of the conflict was based on false information about an attack in the Gulf of Tonkin that never took place, and the American involvement in Vietnam, like the Colonial French involvement not long before, was deeply unwanted by a large majority of the Vietnamese populace. The staggering toll on both sides left both nations and the world scarred by a deep sense of injustice on a grand scale carried out by the world’s only major power. On the plus side: Platoon? The Deer Hunter? Apocalypse Now? All Outstanding.