Someone needs to tie Robert Zemeckis down to a chair or something. Just restrain him and shake him, then talk firmly to him about the creepy 3-D he’s making. And if he doesn’t stop it, you make him smell your leather glove.
I mean, it’s not like Avatar was an insanely good movie, but nobody can argue that it wasn’t groundbreaking. The 3-D actually looked real. Like real, live actors were inhabiting computer bodies. Robert Zemeckis’ 3-D looks lifeless and creepy, like a bunch of mannequins were given free reign over our favorite childhood stories. And to top it off, he’s remaking The Beatles’ Yellow Submarine. And he’s making it in 3-D. How can you make a movie so firmly tied to a band’s identity when most of the members of the band are dead? It’s not like the original Yellow Submarine was incredibly heavy on plot. It was a fun acid trip.
The Beatles weren’t actually in the original movie. Their parts were done by voice-over actors. That tradition will be upheld, as the casting has been announced. Cary Elwes will be George Harrison, Dean Lennox Kelly will voice the John Lennon character, Peter Serafinowicz will play Paul McCartney and Adam Campbell will portray Ringo Starr. Robert Zemeckis hired a tribute band, The Fab Four to motion capture their performance to be the false Beatles chara–screw it.
This just sounds like a massive, massive trainwreck. We don’t need another Yellow Submarine. We don’t need another poorly conceived attempt at 3-D.
Say it with me, all at once.
“WHY?!”
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