Conan O’ Brien is and has been one of the funniest, most insightful, and genuinely brilliant comedic minds of our time, and now he has been cruelly robbed of the gig he was born for. Cries went up around the world as the news that he was being forced to depart from The Tonight Show spread, and by around the world I mean the first world. Conan’s popularity in the third world is limited, where they prefer “Foodsy” the host of a four hour show that is just a piece of food sitting there looking edible.
Now Conan has his options open, and no real idea where he’s going to go next. There are plenty of options. Here are just a few of what I think are his best.
1. Stay at my place.
At first this option may seem to have limited appeal. He won’t be nearly as visible hanging out at my place as he would be on television, however, there are a number of benefits. For instance, in a few weeks I’m planning on getting rid of my Christmas tree, which is going to free up a bunch of space. Also, I have a four burner stove, so there is more than enough room for us to be cooking something at the same time, as long as it’s nothing too complicated. I have a Wii, and while right now I only have two controls, I’m sure if Conan and I combine our finances we could grab two more, and probably even a Wii Fit, depending on how February is looking, job-wise. I do not as yet have a fold out couch, but my couch is pretty soft, and although it’s not long enough for Conan’s ample frame, I have a makeshift duvet that he could position near the couch for his legs.
2. Booing audience member on Jay Leno Show.
Yes, you can get paid to be an audience member in Hollywood. It’s a pretty big pay cut from what he made hosting The Tonight Show (only about $45 day, unless there’s overtime), but there are perks. You get free snack packs of Cheez-its and usually cookies. Also, he could spend his time in the audience booing Jay Leno to take out his frustration at having his show taken from him, and there’s no way anyone will eject him because he’s Conan O’ Brien. Plus, if he is ejected, he can always stay at my place.
3. Repo Man.
For every three non-repo man related shows on television today there is at least one Repo man show. Scientists project that by 2032, over 140% of the shows on TV will be Repo Man based. Conan O’ Brien has an amazing opportunity right now to get in on the Repo Man TV show phenomenon. It wouldn’t take him more than six-months to bulk up to proper repo man size. All he would need to do after that is buy a muscle-shirt, a doo rag, get either a racist or a heavy metal band tattoo and he’s well on his way to Repo Man fame. His tallness puts him at a real advantage over other Repo men, and Cholos would be less likely to mace him, or have their rottweilers attack him while he takes away their cars for fear of alienating his pre-existing fan base.
Comments
No comments.