Rod Blagojevich, former Illinois governor who was ousted after being charged with corruption last year, has hit a rough patch. And that rough patch is being Rod Blagojevich. The latest incident in this lifelong rough patch is his recent assertion and subsequent retraction of the statement that he is, in fact, “blacker than Barack Obama.”
Rod Blagojevish made the statement that he is blacker than Barack Obama in an interview with Esquire magazine, a magazine that is considered to be the “BET” of upper-middle-class liberal white-collar-culture non-fiction. Soon after he took back the statement in a press conference he held on his porch, which if you think about it, is actually a pretty black thing to do.
So, hold on there with your retraction, Rod Blagojevich, thou mayst retract too quickly. Let’s look into the facts a little bit before we determine who is and who isn’t blacker. As Rod Blagojevich (whose last name, in Swahili, means “Ghetto Fabulous-jevich”) himself has stated, “I’m blacker than Barack Obama. I shine shoes. I grew up in a five-room apartment. My father had a little laundromat in the black community not far from where we lived.” Maybe Rod Blagojevich is blacker than Barack. There’s only one way to find out. Manolith’s patented Objective-Determination-of-Blackness 5000. It’s the machine we keep next to the printer.
We’ll just run a few basic facts about Barack Obama’s and Rod Blagojevich’s lives through the machine and see who’s actually blacker.
BARACK OBAMA ROD BLAGOJEVISH
1. Barack Obama loves musicals,
and had a Pinkberry installed in the White House.
1. Rod Blagojevich once threw a 40 oz. bottle
of King Cobra at a cop car when the Lakers
won the playoffs.
2. Barack Obama’s father went to Harvard to get his PHD.
2. Rod Blagojevich wears Raiders gear even
though he has never been to Oakland.
3. Barack Obama grew up in a comfortable,
scholarly middle class family.
4. Rod Blagojevich has a teardrop tattoo
under his right eye, symbolizing that he
had to kill someone in prison to defend
his turf.
4. Barack Obama’s favorite TV show is “Family Ties.”
5. Rod Blagojevich only watches “Cops,”
and then only to see if he was on this
week’s episode.
5. Barack Obama is black.
6. Rod Blagojevich is not black.
WINNER
Barack Obama.
Comments
Bryan
January 12th, 2010 - 7:51:50 PM
Funny and true. Although my mom is Asian, I struggle with math. I suppose that makes Bill Gates more Asian than I am.
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