Mark McGwire Admits Steroid Use

By Mark Lorenz on January 11th, 2010

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McGwire-1Is anyone surprised? Anyone? If you are surprised that Mark McGwire used steroids, you may also be surprised to hear that there is no Santa Claus or that the tooth fairy doesn’t come in the night to rob you. Also, you’re probably adopted. You just thought that you tanned way easier than the rest of your family? WRONG.

Mark McGwire was a baseball powerhouse. A 12-time all-star, record-holder for most home runs during a rookie season, and his arms and testicles were rumored to be the size of sequoias. His arms, definitely. Only, not so much the testicles, being plagued by more rumors of rampant steroid abuse. He broke the single-season record for home runs — seventy — in 1998, and guess what? He was doped up while he was doing it. Barry Bonds broke the record a few years later, with 73, and guess what? He’s roided out as well. The only one of these power hitters who hasn’t admitted to using steroids is Sammy Sosa, and he’s slowly trying to turn into a white man.

McGwire said, “I wish I had never touched steroids … It was foolish and it was a mistake. I truly apologize. Looking back, I wish I had never played during the steroid era.”

So basically the moral of the story here is, even if it’s really obvious that you’re shooting yourself with steroids, and breaking records set by athletes sensible enough not to shrink their balls and tarnish their images to set records, you shouldn’t admit it until past the point that anyone cares. And if you do admit it, blame it on the environment you played in.

Seriously. Way to man up.

Comments

  1. Tommy

    January 11th, 2010 - 5:37:55 PM

    I mean really, are we at all surprised. There's no way this guy was clean!

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  2. Dan Uyemura

    January 12th, 2010 - 4:03:02 PM

    good for him. I'm glad he finally came clean to what we all knew. But seriously anyone who has competed in anything seriously would be lying to say they wouldn't have done the same. I bet 90% of baseball was using performance enhancing "drugs" at the time. Everyone's just bent cause they got all wrapped up in his homerun race with sosa. and why don't anyone bitch about football players. do you think all of a sudden 300 pound lines being the norm is just cause we got corn fed boys? When 25 years ago the average line was mid-200 pounds? And these same 325lb linemen can run 40's faster than linebackers of yesteryear? Wake up people. And when it breaks and you all realize you've been duped again - don't bitch about it, Because until it was told right to your face, you loved your gladiators to be bigger, faster, and stronger.

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