Dolphins Are People Too

By The Manolith Team on January 11th, 2010

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Everyone loves ‘em. People pay big money to swim with ‘em, and swear that their lives have changed after the experience. They’ve enjoyed non-human person status for a while, but now it’s official: Dolphins are basically people with fins.

An article from the Times Online cites multiple studies that champion the human-like status of dolphins. These cheeky sea mammals can do crazy things like learn sign language and check themselves out in mirrors. They can have their own distinct personalities, their own range of emotions and their own social networks.

The dolphin brain is massive and human-like. Inside the noggin of a bottlenose dolphin, you’ll find convoluted brain folds, just like in humans. Dolphins also have huge brains relative to the size of their bodies. According to Lori Marino, a zoologist from Emory University, when you examine “the anatomical ratios that assess cognitive capacity,” the dolphin brain is “second only to the human brain.” Take that, apes.

But there’s more. Because dolphins are so cognitively developed and cute, Thomas White, an ethics professor at Loyola Marymount, argues that “dolphins are ‘non-human persons’ who qualify for moral standing as individuals.” It won’t be long before dolphins start fighting for their individual non-human rights. Before you know it, they’ll start getting into better universities and beating us out for better jobs.

So the next time you have a chance to swim with dolphins, remember this: the non-human person that you’re rubbing up against in the pool may end up being your boss one day.