Warm Nude. Cherub Pink. Soft Bile?
So over the past few days there has been this confusing trend on Facebook where ladies update their status with a seemingly random color and leave it at that. You’ve probably noticed context-free posts like “Black” or “Misty Boysenberry” and, scratching your greasy noggin, thought, “There is no way that half of these are colors … Wait, why are all the sexy, hip girls that I am stalking on Facebook talking about colors?” Newsflash: It has to do with breasts. Each girl is telling you the color of the bra she is wearing that day, and, no, “Nude” does not mean she isn’t wearing a bra, nor does it mean she’s completely nekkid either. I know, shit.
At first it just seems like these tarts are trying to give us extra fuel for our nighttime imagination games, but the reality is much more of a downer. They are using their bodies to play mind games with you, just like every other fucking time a cute girl approaches you, trying to sell you something, in this case breast cancer awareness. Because who can be bothered when some concerned lady-volunteer approaches you on the street, clipboard under one arm, pink ribbon staring you down, asking for you to listen to some spiel? Their previous efforts having failed, they are trying to change the image of the disease. No longer shall the face of breast cancer be a woman’s–not your mother’s or your sister’s or that whore’s from the coffee shop you dated last year–the true face of breast cancer is breasts. Some people argue that bra color status updates send a mixed message, but you can pretty much dismiss that as bullshit poppycock. Now I’m not saying that the lives of women are not worth saving, but as a female friend of mine astutely pointed out, breasts are unquestionably worth saving (thanks for the cynicism Swygert).
Bra color protest is genius advertising; every straight man on Facebook is now interested. Plus, increasing numbers of lonely, attention-starved girls are bound to hop on the context-free-breast-cancer-awareness train. I mean, what better way to get your cause noticed than by using a website that exists solely for attention whoring? So lets applaud the ad-wizards behind the recent bra color status update assault. Breast cancer is finally worth getting an erection over. Might I suggest a breast cancer wet t-shirt contest next?