Tila Tequila Might Be Pregnant! … eh.

By Daniel Dominguez on January 8th, 2010

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Tila Tequila has announced that she might be pregnant. Given her lifestyle, it would probably have been more surprising if she had announced that she might not be pregnant. Tila Tequila has yet to release the list of the fathers. Sources speculate this is because the list is long enough that she would need to hire help to write it, and right now she has to concentrate as hard she can on abstaining from putting anything inside herself that would hurt the baby. She has already reported, via Twitter, that she hasn’t slept in four days but that she should because, “I need rest. Especially 4 baby!” Which suggests that Tila Tequila has read the classic book on Pregnancy, “Try To Get Some Sleep Once Every Four Days, For Your Baby,” by esteemed prenatal specialist Charles Manson.

Given her flamboyant sex life, Doctors have theorized that Tila has had so many partners that in all likelihood the baby will be a mix of over 80 races, and be born able to fluently speak over 16 different languages. In other words, her baby is going to be the baby prophesied by Nostradamus to unite the world, bringing with it an era of peace and understanding the world has only known three times before. The three times being the rebirth of Jesus, a brief period where nothing existed between the dinosaurs and humans, and for eleven minutes following the release of the Tila Tequila sex tape. In other words, Tila Tequila will soon, if she is pregnant, be the first person to have brought complete peace to the world twice. Take that, Jesus.