Have you ever thought about stabbing someone with a pen? Maybe a boss who was breathing down your neck about selling more shoes, or packing slips, or nacho boxes? Well, now you can do that, and collect their DNA. What? Like I AM the creepy one.
Maybe YOU don’t look at a ballpoint pen like a weapon. But you’re probably not preparing yourself for the impending apocalypse. You probably will be the first to die. Which is why Campco invented the TacPen. Tactical pens. This is why our military is number one. We spend our time inventing tech from office supplies. I have a GPS-tracked stapler. So if anyone steals it, I can hunt them down.
The pen comes complete with the UZI DNA CATCHER PEN CROWN. Forget the last part, Uzi DNA Catcher sounds like the most twisted pulp detective character in history. But the crown catches the DNA of whoever you stab it with. Presumably so you can clone them later. Or you can put poison in it, stab someone, and pretend that you’re an international spy. Happy Halloween!
Although if you’re carrying around a tactical pen, chances are, you should already be a spy. If not, you’re just a show-off.
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