It’s amazing what a difference a few months can make. Like, a few months ago, Tiger Woods was just a boring golfer with a billion-dollar paycheck, the creepiest smile in history, and a staid social life. Now, he’s a sexual deviant, tabloid darling, and still in possession of a creepy smile. And now we might have a sex-tape.
Considering he was banging girls that were just below the level of escorts, sometimes escorts, and strippers anyway, this news is not surprising. The only way it would be surprising is if it were with a midget, or somebody dressed up like they were Amish. How do we know there’s a sex-tape? Because it’s being pushed to Vivid Entertainment’s CEO, Steven Hirsch.
He was approached by a woman that supposedly shot the tape two years ago. Tiger’s identity is still being verified. There’s an easy way to test this. Does he smile like he’s secretly pissed in your laundry hamper? If so, it’s probably Tiger Woods. Tiger’s lawyers are threatening with lawsuits, fines, and court action, but you know what? If it’s him, methinks he deserves it.
So, Tiger Woods doesn’t wear rubbers, shoots sex tapes with mysterious women, and is a gigantic man-slut. Now let’s get the next least offensive sports star in history, and turn her bad. Michelle Wie, WE GON’ GET YOU.