Why did no-one tell me Taco Bell was looking for a spokesperson? Did they need someone to extol the virtues of their delicious value meals late at night, when your hunger is so great, you could consume a herd of mountain goats, but settle for a soft-shell Taco? I can do that. But I can’t lose 54 pounds eating at Taco Bell, which is what Christine Doughtery supposedly did.
54 pounds. Eating at Taco Bell. You can conceivably lose weight eating ice cream and raw eels every meal, but that doesn’t mean it’s recommended, or healthy for you. The fine print in the ad says that she was limited to 1,250 calories a day, only 50 above normal healthy nutritional intake for a woman. So that fresco taco was probably the last thing she ate every day. And also the least healthy thing she ate that day.
Taco Bell is opening up a new menu called the Drive-Thru Diet. Which consists of eating and driving. A diet that truckers and bikers have been following faithfully for decades.
So get to Taco Bell. And make, as they want you to, a “Frescolution”.
I swear to Christ, if you lose weight on the Taco Bell diet, and it turns out to be incredibly healthy for you, I will saw off my left foot.
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