Women’s magazines have come under fire in recent years, and for good reason. It’s taken a long time, and many hurt women, but these so-called publications are all getting called out more and more frequently for spewing loads of hot air — and often outright lies — to their readers. Spending no more than five minutes reading one of these rags can be enough to cause mild brain-damage, with the sheer amount of bad advice regurgitated month after month. We went through a few months’ worth of all the worst offenders, and honestly the effect is probably worse than sniffing glue — but we’ve got results. These are the 15 absolute worst lies that all women’s magazines tell — they’ve got millions of readers, so it may be a little scary.
Women Must Live (And Act Out) Abroad
Women’s magazines love to come from the overwhelmingly pretentious standpoint that any woman who hasn’t spent a summer in Paris is basically an illiterate housewife in a trailer-park. Over and over again, the idea is drilled in that women who’ve gotten married without first sleeping with a different man in another country are destined to a failed marriage, as they couldn’t possibly have made the right choice without knowing how a foreigner is in bed first.
“What He Says During Sex”
A classic, this overcooked contrivance rears its ugly head at least once a quarter. The offending magazines splash the phrase across the cover, and have a graphic-loaded guide somewhere in the issue that breaks men down and classifies them according to a stereotypical verbalization made during sex. In a shameless ploy to sell magazines, these people tell women that if a man grunts during sex, he’s goal-oriented, if he’s quiet or breathing hard, he’s got emotional issues, and if he’s vocal, he’s stupid and probably shallow. Women believe this stuff, because the authors and editors attribute information to bogus names of doctors and professors who likely don’t exist, or if they do exist, the info’s often misquoted or just plain bad.
Fake New-Age Practices Can Make Women Look Younger (And Have Better Sex)
Women’s magazines love to insist that, along with just about everything else in the universe, 15 minutes of half-assed yoga or drinking green tea once a day will take years off a woman’s face, 30 lbs. off her physique, and lead to better sex. Everything leads to better sex in women’s magazines, it’s their core selling point for the crackpot advice they dole out. The most heinous thing about this isn’t that they constantly ascribe impossibly positive outcomes to such miniscule effort, but that they inspire millions of women to run around acting like they’re some sort of zen master because they sat on the floor for a few minutes without speaking. Actually following any sort of regimen would be too much to ask of most of their readers, never mind the fact that it would take several servings of tea and actual meditation training to accomplish anything at all.
Yogurt, Granola, Fruits and Veggies Make Fat Girls Slim
There’s a fine line to walk when pushing the idea of eating healthy — on one side there’s “eat all you want, it’s healthy!” — on the other, there’s honesty. All the granola, fruit, greens and yogurt in the world can’t save an overweight person from being overweight without exercise and moderation. Women’s magazines like to ignore overwhelming obesity statistics; there’s no such thing as an overweight girl in their universe, so it’s absurd to think any girl would ever be any more than five pounds overweight at any given point in time.
“What He’s Really Thinking”
These are nothing short of amazing. The situation ranges from “when he sees you naked” to “the first time you have sex” all the way to “when he says he loves you.” When magazines like Cosmo try to tell women what men are thinking, the bottom line is that it’s just plain insulting to every man alive. The garbage they print as the thoughts of men are usually an amalgam of the most trite, clueless, one-dimensional quotes from the most hapless characters in college frat-humor movies.
Women Should Act on Every Impulse and Call it Instinct
More women every year turn against the magazines and their readers because of this one; they basically advocate that women should do whatever they want, when they want, regardless of who they may hurt in doing so. Why? Because they’re women and they should act on every impulse, because those impulses are womanly instincts and they can’t possibly be happy without acting on them. These gems of advice range from quitting a good job on a whim, to basically becoming a prostitute because it sounds fun at the time. In the universe that women’s magazines operate in, everyone is a spoiled little girl with a trust fund to fall back on, and absolutely no morals whatsoever.
Plastic Surgery and Botox are Great, Quick & Clean
The glorification of plastic surgery and botox treatment is pretty much agreed upon by anyone with a brain to be a bad thing, but women’s magazines consistently treat them like beauty secrets, or only mention them in passing, but in a positive light. The sad thing here is that the countless women who actually read these rags tend to think that because the magazine either promotes or glamorizes these things, that they’re not just good, but normal. More and more women are starting to regard these things the same way they talk about changing their hair-color.
Touting Pseudo-Science as Fully Legitimate
These people love to write off modern medicine and science on a regular basis, and part of that is in their insistence that women can fix any ailment, anything at all, with a cup of tea, a dose of echinacea, and happy thoughts. They bust out the prefab quotes, complete with either crackpot “doctors” or just flat-out fake names, and act like hospitals only exist for broken bones.
The Right Sports Bra Can Turn Lazy Women Into Decathletes
The Sex and the City tone that’s so pervasive in all women’s magazines can lead to some pretty outrageous stupidity, but one of the funniest and most egregious is the idea that women can do anything — so long as they’re outfitted with the proper (designer) clothing, shoes, and accessories. Editors for these things get piles, literally piles of free stuff from soliciting companies looking to get plugged, so it’s no big deal when they act like the newest pumps will allow women to run 20 miles without even feeling the burn, or that the newest, ultralight, super-underwired designer sports bra will turn the laziest girl on the block into a star runner just by efficiently cupping her assets.
It’s a Woman’s Right to be Overly-Emotional, at All Times
The idea that women are ridiculously overly-emotional because of their genetics is heavily ingrained into these magazines. They constantly tell women that in order to be happy, they need to express themselves, and they don’t mean to a healthy extent, either. If women followed them to the letter, they’d spend all day, every day, expressing themselves emotionally. It’s funny to think that men usually get stuck with the unpleasant stereotype of constant chauvinism, when these magazines themselves belittle women more than the best Burt Reynolds movie.
“Why He Likes X Position”
These are probably the most entertainingly wrong of all the “why he X” type articles these magazines put out. First of all, they constantly change the accepted names of sexual positions, largely because they run the same article repeatedly throughout the year and have to change it somehow to make it seem like something new. This makes it even funnier, since one month they may say that men like it on bottom because they’re “givers,” while three months later it might say that they’re weak, or even “effeminate.” In order for women to appreciate these articles they must abandon all past experience, as well as common sense.
“Green” Handbags Will Save the World
The green craze is huge in the women’s magazine industry, largely due to the massive amount of ad money that pours in when they go heavy on the Vitamin Water and Prius adverts. Piggybacking on that, they basically go all out and get women to believe that they can save the world by buying designer handbags made out of …garbage. While recycled purses are no new thing, and there are even some that are respectably ingenious, the magazines tend to glam them up and turn the whole thing into just another exercise in designer purses. In the end, all that’s changed is the amount of pretentious young women who use a reusable plastic Starbucks coffeecup, and wear a purse that’s supposedly carbon-neutral. Not exactly the stuff of the Planeteers.
Jobs Are For Personal Fulfillment; Women Are Entitled to the Jobs of Their Choosing
Going along with the constant pushing to be more impulsive, women’s magazines promote the idea that women should up and leave their job not just on a whim, but because they deserve better. According to them, women should get whatever job they want, anywhere, and they shouldn’t ever have to actually qualify or even apply for the position. Companies should come seeking them, because they’re women, and they deserve it. Never is the issue of actual merit or education ever brought up; somehow everyone who works at these places managed to go through life without ever actually working toward anything.
A Manicure and Latte Can Fix Anything
Much like the idea that a cup of green tea can take a year off a woman’s face, or that echinacea can cure any sickness when mixed with happy thoughts, women’s magazines love to insist that no matter how bad a stressful event may be, a latte (also made out to be something overly effective) and a manicure can fix it. Actually coping with a problem, or attempting to fix it in any way, is verboten. In their universe, women aren’t supposed to try and fix anything. Everything just fixes itself, all on its own.
No, You Can Never Look Like That
Last, but certainly not least; women’s magazines are rightfully blamed by many the world over for skewing women’s views of themselves and others in such a way that borders on criminal. Relentless airbrushing of any picture of any woman on any page in their publications, flat-out lies about diet plans and best eating practices, mild to heavy glamorization of the worst diets and flat-out unhealthy eating practices all lead to more and more women hating their bodies, and themselves. These magazines show no remorse when a girl dies of anorexia or bulimia, because they’d rather act like that sort of thing never happens. They’re out to make money on the insecurities they create year after year as they hook readers, who are getting younger every year. Men’s magazines may have a tendency to be nothing but a wad of adverts for expensive watches, galleries of half-naked girls, and dirty jokes — but at least they’re honest.
everyone get a life and TAFR!
different people has differ taste! cheating your friend’s wife is greatly perfect for you but 8′s sinful. for the other side so hurt and painful. tnx
Here, have a citation:
http://www.cosmopolitan.com/
YEAH WOMEN LIKE THIS BITCH ARE WHY MEN HATE SKANKS
http://ihatejade.com/?id=anns4476cx13f5ts621uq0xicf0v4j
MSN home has a top 15 of whatever crap each day. Today, I think it is healthiest foods. Not necessarily bad, but written in the same style as Cosmo, ie no depth, recommendations without support, etc. CNN is doing the same. I don’t mind the idiot, fluff mags, but does everything have to start mimicking them?
My wife had a subscription to Cosmo and I used to flip through them when I was bored. I remember there was a long spell of articles written by some gal with an axe to grind, about how women, to empower themselves, should demand oral sex from their man, and never reciprocate.
It made me think, “Wow, this miserable bitch is trying to ruin the relationships of her readers!” Because how does that “empower” a woman? It’s just going to alienate your dude.
The problem with womens magazines, or Oprah, or a lot of other “sources” for women is that they create some kind of dilemma (“Is your man not putting down the toilet seat enough?”) and feeding it as some kind of “empowering” issue to bring to her man. (“His leaving the toilet seat up is a sign of disrespect that you need to address. If he seems confused or unwilling to understand, maybe it’s time to move on.”)
Yeah, he’s going to be confused and unwilling because he just got home and his lady is jumping all over him for no reason at all!
It’s a shameless pander to womens’ need for drama, which can only end badly.
Hum, the citations would have been nice, but in general, yes, most rags tout to the lowest form of loneliness in woman and prey upon their insecurities. There are NO quick fixes, but that would not sell magazines if you really had to apply yourself. I unfortunately married a woman who used to read Cosmo religiously, and I wish I had read this article BEFORE I married her!!!
this specific form of media is to drive consumerism by preying on gender insecurity plain and simple. such a waste.
I agreed with everything you had to say until the last sentence about men’s magazines. They aren’t honest. How many times have I seen “decoding her X” (replace X with thoughts, signals, etc), instead of encouraging communication and simply asking your girlfriend/wife what she thinks?
About the galleries of half-naked girls… we are always presented as sexual fodder who are objects for wanking *first* — the “stats” about us, our names, ages, professions, etc. are just there to fuel the fantasy. You can’t tell me that the majority of men see us as human beings… in fact, men’s magazines present the idea that women exist to give you an erection and orgasm, and that’s all. If you poll women about their dating experiences, many of us will tell you that’s how we’ve been treated by at least some of the men we’ve dated, and that cannot be in small part due to insecure guys who read that trash, and have to see us as the “enemy” because they haven’t learned how to cope with their own insecurities yet.
It also tells insecure men that women love men who are wealthy, arrogant blowhards, that we don’t like the nice guys (as if you can classify half of the almost 7 billion people on this planet, all of whom are women, as one “type.”) So then these same guys regurgitate this crap to us… oh you only like rich men. Really? Who have you asked?
Please don’t vaunt men’s magazines as some kind of pillar of truth, because much of what they say are filthy lies designed to hook clueless guys who don’t know how to deal with their maleness in a responsible or intelligent way yet… when abusing substances and sleeping around becomes any more healthy for men, let me know.
http://www.manolith.com/2010/01/10/bra-color-status-in-facebook-is-hot/ — read this if you don’t agree with my previous comment about crap in men’s magazines. Where’s the respect for women in that article, furthermore, where’s the respect for men? You’ve all been reduced to grunts who couldn’t care less about something unless its for sexual purposes in the article by the author himself and then he blames *women* for it. Maybe we didn’t post our bra colors for your enjoyment, did that ever occur to you?
real journalism has gone underground because the mainstream media can no longer discuss truthful issues!
http://www.infowars.com/letter-to-the-society-of-professional-journalists-ethics-committee/
I think women’s magazines are fucking retarded and would never read them if not for so much of my life wasted in doctor’s offices. That being said, in their defense I have NEVER once read anything encouraging women to disregard qualifications and training to seek a better position. This sounds a lot like the myth of affirmative action, that no racial minority or female in general could achieve something by their own merits. Actually, what I have read encourages women to have more confidence in pursuing what they want, backed up with rationality. Such as many women do not take the risk of asking for a raise. Then telling the woman to speak with her boss with specific examples of her work-related accomplishments and other standards of productivity. They also encourage women to follow their passions and include examples of lawyers leaving their practices to open their own businesses, which also describe the intial steps and likely hardships. It’s always leaning towards the optimistic, true, but also with a dose of reality.
John, who still marries men for money these days? How old are you exactly? If dumbfuck misogynists would acknowledge the wage gap (equal pay for equal work, not just “more money for having a vagina”) and other forms of gender discrimination in the workplace, everyone would be financial secure enough to judge others on personality first.
That being said, the wealthy men I know enjoy being sought after for their wallets (although they call it “attracted to power”). They don’t mind dismissing ambitious women in favor of pretty faces with intentions as transparent as the space between their ears. That’s one thing I don’t understand. If you’ll pardon the generalization, it seems men embrace their stereotypes, are proud of even the worst, while any woman who complains is written off as a shrill feminist.
I agree with Anonymous. Maxim is male Cosmo. They all lie.
you are right about womens magazines. i agree that they and constantly tell women that they are not good enough. but, at the same time, mens magazines do the same thing only in a much more degrading way. mens mags are filled with lists about women and how we suck. they tell men that women are stupid and annoying and silly. and mens mags stereotype women more than womens mags do. not all women like chick flicks and crappy music. maybe you should look at yourself before you criticize womens mags. at least cosmo has articles on how to please your man, how to make your man happy, what to do to stay in shape for you man. do mens mags ever tell men how to be better for women? no. why is that? are men just that good? if men hate women and everything we do so very much we not just be gay. or hey, why have a girlfriend? why not just pay for sex or sleep with a bunch of hos. why bitch about us when no one has a gun to your head. either suck up or deal. don’t constantly complain about how annoying we are. thank you.
I was sure there would be some women insulting the author and claiming he has no social/sex life. Sure enough. there they are.
I think maybe it hits too close to home. You don;t need citations when they are on every magazine stand in the world. If you can’t understand that, you wouldn’t be able to read citations anyway.
Just make it illegal to print fiction without a warning label on the cover stating it as such. Although I guess that might cause some issues with bible-sales.
i never read magazines like cosmo but my sister does.i think mags like that are garbage. but i agree with candy mens magazines are worse and they have articles like how to cheat on your girlfreind and just all kinds of bad stuff.