How do you know Tiger Woods is richer than you? Because his hos cost money. They’ll each cost the economy about a billion dollars EACH.
At first when I heard that figure, I was all scoffy, like, “Psyeah. A billion dollars? For each woman? That’s like, nearly twelve billion dollars. There’s no way that figure is in any way verifiable by economists located in the United States. There’s NO WAY.”
And I was wrong. Dead wrong. Because that’s what economists do, they prove your initial suspicions inaccurate with series of amazing facts and information.
Two economists at the University of California Davis were probably bored when they decided to do a survey to see how much money Tiger Woods’ penis has deprived the economy. And the figures, like reports of Tiger Woods’ penis, are staggering. Tiger Woods has cost his respective endorsers 12 billion dollars worth of stock. Which includes Accenture, Gatorade, Nike, Tag Hauer, possibly Disney, and Fluffy Puppies Inc., which were my favorite manufacturer of fluffy puppies. Then again, this money was in the stock market, which we’ve learned in recent months is easily lost. And made up of dreams and paper.
So to gold-diggers everywhere, may you one day find a man rich enough that his indiscretions around your vagina will not only become a media sensation, but harm everyone’s pocketbooks.
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