For those of you aspiring MacGyvers out there, there’s a resource that’s apparently more useful than a paper clip and plastic explosives combined. And that is a natural resource. A resource that gets more plentiful by the day. And that resource is delicious placenta.
Yes, placenta. If you were one of those poor saps that thought placenta only had one or two uses, boy, do you have egg on your face now. You thought it only nourished babies? You imbecile. It can feed you, if you hire someone to come over and cook it. It can also make you beautiful, and apparently nourishes people’s sense of delusion, as revealed by the information that several celebrities are using placenta in their daily facial beauty regiments. And a clinic in Dubai that specializes in the treatment.
I’ll repeat that. People. Are willingly. Spreading. Placenta. On their faces. And most likely paying top dollar for premium placentas. You think they’d spread anyone’s placenta on their face? No. This is the finest placenta, grown in the Brazilian rainforests, and picked by specifically selected farmers in government employ.
This is one of those things that I think we’ll be able to look back on in a hundred years, and be like, “They did what? They spread placenta on their faces? WHAT WERE THEY THINKING? Now spread this semen betwixt my toes.”
People who have used the treatment? Simon Cowell and Jennifer Lopez. I am not surprised. When I heard that people were rubbing baby nutrients on themselves, my first thought was, “That’s so J.Lo.”
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