I have a running debate with my friend Dale over who is more deserving of being poked with hot irons: members of the alt-comedy scene, or terribly formulaic television show-runners. But there’s one thing we both agree on. Josh Schwartz is the devil. Who has skinned and is wearing a human.
Which is why he is being called on to pen the fourth X-Men movie. That makes me and other human beings cry. Bryan Singer directed the second X-Men. It was called “X2.” You probably saw it. Then things went for a turn into Sequelsucktonia, with the third, helmed by Brett Ratner. Anyway, this is not the point. The point is, the fourth movie will be focusing on teenagers. Mutant teenagers. By the guy who brought you “The OC” and “Gossip Girl.” Both series that are well loved by many people, but exceptionally banal.
What can you expect from the next X-Men movie, then?
Some sort of narration.
Especially world-weary teenagers. They have the burden of being smarter than everyone around them, and mutants. That’s like a double-whammy, when you’re riddled with non-human ennui and teenage ennui.
Terrible jokes.
Also, sexy young mutants in the trendiest fashions. Mutants with prominent chest-hair and baby-faces. Expect them. They’re coming.
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