And guess what? It’s going to be another completely bizarre awards season.
Lately, Hollywood’s ability to fellate itself has just looked weirder and weirder. Oscar ratings have been dropping consistently. The divide between what makes money and what wins awards has been deepening. Basically, Hollywood has been becoming more insular. To be fair, I haven’t seen a lot of the movies that are up for awards. And I don’t really feel like I’m missing out on a lot, because a lot of those movies seem like bait. For said awards shows. While other movies are overlooked. Here are the weirdest inclusions.
Best Motion Picture (Drama): “Avatar”
Wouldn’t you say that was a little premature? Nominating a movie for being the best drama when it isn’t out yet, and all indications have shown the story is made of synthetic, 3D cheese? Even if it looks really pretty. Because Jennifer Connolly is pretty, and she wasn’t nominated.
Best Motion Picture (Drama): “Inglourious Basterds”
No. Just…no. I love Tarantino, but that movie was straight Tarantino porn. Nazis being killed in a movie theater? Come on.
Best Motion Picture (Comedy or Musical): “It’s Complicated” and “Julie & Julia”
I also love Meryl Streep. But these movies were neither hilarious, nor full of song and dance. Also, they were panned.
Best Actor: Tobey Maguire
Nobody saw “Brothers.” Nobody saw it. And if anybody did see “Brothers,” and thought Toby Maguire gave a performance made of win in an overwrought drama about the Iraq war, I’d punch them in a diner. In addition, every movie in this category had a total box office gross of 4.50. What are these, charity nominations to get your film’s name out there?
Best Actress: Sandra Bullock
Really? REALLY? “The best actress is Sandra Bullock,” is one of those sentences with constructions of words that don’t go together. Like fine wine and hedgehog. Like, goddamn that hedgehog makes a fine wine. Doesn’t work.
Best Actor (Comedy or Musical): Robert Downey Jr.
For “Sherlock Holmes.” A movie that isn’t out yet, and by the looks of it, is neither a comedy, nor a musical, but a rousing action film. Do these awards not have gray areas? There are other kinds of movies besides dramas, comedies and musicals. It’s not like being pregnant, either you are, or you’re not. Also, it’s not the 1930s.
Best Actress (Comedy or Musical): Sandra Bullock
Her agents must’ve sent out a billion screeners.
What I want to know is this. How the fuck did “District 9,” a critically acclaimed film with box office receipts and popular support behind it, completely financed OUTSIDE of Hollywood, get completely shafted of nominations except for Best Screenplay?
Comments
Kevin
December 16th, 2009 - 10:47:21 AM
Robert Downey Jr. could be nominated for Best Comedic Performance every single year, and I'd never complain. Even if the movie isn't out yet. Guy is laugh-out-loud fun.
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