Lou O’ Bedlam’s Friday Feature: Lauren Randolph

By Lou Noble on December 11th, 2009

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Control is what it comes down to.

I make plans. Loads of plans. I like to figure out things at least a week ahead of time and have a sticky on my computer detailing what I’ve got going on each day. Lots of reasons why, but really, it’s all about control.

I’ve lived alone most of my adult life. There was that year with my grandmother, that 18 months with a girlfriend, but other than that, just me, myself and I for a good decade. And before that, I was an only child. Played alone, hung out by myself, and I wasn’t particularly adept at establishing friendships that extended beyond school grounds.

So as an adult, being able to be social is something I feel the need to constantly reinforce, to take advantage of. Having friends, that’s something I work at, something I value. So by planning, I can make sure I maintain those friendships.

Without planning it all out, I’d forget something, inevitably. Which would leave me with nothing to do, yeah? Because it’s also about filling up my days, lest I spend them staring out my window, checking the same six websites all day. Most of the things I like/need to do, work, photography, these things need to be planned out ahead of time if they’ve any chance of actually happening.

Thing is, I tend to rely on those plans, maybe use them to buoy my spirits, because otherwise, stuck in my wee box of an apartment, it can get a bit too “wilderness of mirrors,” just stewing in my own juices.

Problem with this whole system is, when a plan falls through, there goes my reason for showering that day. I get my state of mind too wrapped up in the event, in using that to determine whether or not a day is “good.” Being able to plan a day out, that’s me trying to make sure a day goes well, or is one I’m going to enjoy.

Which brings me to Lauren.

Lauren has specifically stated she does not like to plan. Which has led to the rending of garments and the gnashing of teeth. And. Letting. Go. Because I very much want to keep hanging out with Lauren.

If I’ve learned anything these last few years, it’s that I need to be flexible and be willing to examine the whys of what I do. That I need to come to terms with the fact that I can’t control anything or anyone. That it’s not even something I should want to do.

Funny thing is, this column, in its own little way, has helped me with this kind of stuff. Bit of self-examination. Why I plan. (I think it’s to due to my dad being a huge flake when I was a wee lad). Why I don’t like being watched while I shoot (could be I’m extremely self-conscious). Why that relationship last year didn’t work out (LACK OF COMMUNICATION).

So I guess the key is to keep learning, or growing, or changing. I’m gonna write all that on my little sticky right away. Oh, and here’s something I’d like to do more of, show you what these ladies can do! Lauren’s an ace photographer, go check out her stuff HERE.