You Might Just Be Too Ugly: Here’s a guide that claims to increase your chances of getting laid by 100% in 9 easy steps, which is totally like 1.1% per list-item. The remaining .1% is gonna have to come from your inner beauty. (Asylum)
You Might Just Be Too Square: Choose a cigar like a real man. You know, like Che Guevara or that guy in Full Metal Jacket, as opposed to someone like Ulysses S. Grant. Esophageal cancer has never been so swoon-worthy. (Ego TV Online)
Your Baby Might Look Too Much Like a Screaming Alien Raisin: No one is going to tell you that your baby’s got all the good looks of Ernest Borgnine and all the charm of a rabid Rhesus Macaque. But they should. (KidGlue)
Maybe You’re A Too Much Of A Douchebag: They’re everywhere, you know. (The Chive)
But At Least Someone’s Getting Laid: You already know who it is. (College Humor)
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