Rumors Of Tiger Wood’s Cheating Spread Like Wildfire

By Mark Lorenz on November 25th, 2009

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In what is probably the dumbest internet story to be widely disseminated today, several media outlets are reporting that Tiger Woods is cheating on his wife. Not even reporting it, reporting that he ALLEGEDLY was cheating on his wife. No proof, or anything. So we’re jumping on the bandwagon.

Not that the internet is the most reliable source of anything, but the fact that this is coming from just a few sources, and none of them are the mouth of Tiger Wood’s wife. To be fair, she’s a Swedish Model, though, so who knows if she’d rather talk or just be beautifully Aryan and crush you with brute strength.

MediaTakeOut is pressing the story, though, with a wonderfully descriptive headline.

EXPLOSIVE RUMOR: TIGER WOODS IS ALLEGEDLY CHEATING ON HIS WIFE . . . AND THE SAD PART . . . HIS JUMPOFF AIN’T EVEN CUTER THAN HIS WIFE!! (PICS OF HIS BUST IT BABY INSIDE)

When did mistress get the moniker “Bust It Baby”? I would not have voted for that switch. Jesus christ, the words affair and mistresses –despite the connotations– sound somewhat classy, but bust it baby sounds like a 1940’s swing hit, if it didn’t sound like a retarded colloquialism of the oughties. The full story will be published in the National Enquirer.

So, yeah, I’m sure it’s true. And his mistress is a fire-breathing dragon.