Well, why didn’t you tell me? I’ve got a refrigerator full of placenta that’s GOING TO WASTE, MAN.
File this under weird. In fact, throw out your file on weird, and file it under OMG, WHY?! WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT?! You know how in the US, we get on meatheaded baseball players for injecting themselves with steroids that’ll make them big, and their genitals small? Well, in England, their soccer stars bathe their injuries in placenta.
That’s right. Placenta. One of my favorite quotes incorrectly attributed to someone is Tom Cruise talking about placenta. Allegedly. The story was fake, but they had the cadence and style of his speech down. Saying stuff like, “I’m going to eat the placenta. I thought that would be good. Very nutritious.” And he’s right. Placentas have a lot of nutrients. Which is why Arensal’s striker, Robin Van Persie is going to Serbia to partake in a vague healing ceremony where a woman washes your injury with fluid from a placenta. Said Robin:
“She is vague about her methods but I know she massages you using fluid from a placenta. I am going to try. It cannot hurt and, if it helps, it helps.”
There are a number of ways this could wind up bad. First, if the woman wants to give birth first, and you’re expected to wait to get fresh placenta. Nobody should deal with that. Second, where is she getting the placenta? Is she walking around with a jar, tricking neighborhood women?
And third, goddamn.
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