Newsweek Cover Proves Sarah Palin LOVES WHINING

By Mark Lorenz on November 18th, 2009

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Waaaaaah. I don’t like the way the media is covering me and my family. Waaaaaaah. They call me a hypocrite. Waaaaaah. I loved them when they showered me with praise, but as soon as somebody levels criticism, I accuse them of having a problem and never put the blame on myself. Also, I hate my Newsweek cover.

Sarah Palin is currently making, among a litany of other complaints—along with her passing the buck and lying in her autobiography that she didn’t write—a huge fuss about the Newsweek cover story on her. It reads in bold print, “How Do You Solve A Problem Like Sarah?” And there she is, doing what she SHOULD be paid to do. Posing. Instead of talking and governing badly. She said Newsweek should focus on more substantive issues, but without using big words like substantive because that ain’t how normal people talk. You posed for the picture. You’re wearing short work-out shorts and running shoes. They make track pants, you know. The picture was re-used in a story that might not have a positive light. Suck it up, Sarah. Grow some goddamn balls. And have the foresight to not take pictures like that if they might come back and bite you in the ass in the future, HURRRDURR.

There’s talk of the cover being sexist. Palin’s spokesperson said …

The out-of-context Newsweek approach is sexist and oh-so-expected. If anyone can learn anything from it: it shows you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, gender, or color of skin. The media will do anything to draw attention.

If it’s oh-so-expected, jaded spokesperson, then why are you even commenting on it?

No matter how many criticisms people level at Sarah Palin, she passes them off as being sexist. And not knowing any better. And, here’s what you should do, because I’m Sarah Palin and I know better. She’s going to be made fun of, simply because the disconnect between what she thinks she knows and reality IS HUGE. And disconnect EQUALS funny. And when she’s confronted with the reality of what she is, she gets irritated. We’ve all known people like that, those whose realities are informed by their ego’s perceptions. If she were as dumb as she is and she happened to be a guy, people would make fun of her. But not as badly. Not because she’s a woman, but because she’s a giant comedic cliché. An ex-beauty queen hung up on herself who somehow, through flukes in the system, managed to grasp onto power and 15 minutes of fame? Come on.

That’s funny. Now suck it up. And run for president. I want to see how many ways your feet can find their way into your mouth with those running shoes on.