What’s that? I didn’t say anything? Oh, I just asked the universe what would be the most useless yet awesome invention to grace the earth this year. And it answered. And it answered well. It answered with bacon flavored envelopes.
Have you ever wished your envelopes had more flavor? That when you were licking them, there was a taste to compliment the copper-flavored blood from the cuts in your lips? Well, your prayers have been answered. And your prayers are very bizarre. In fact, you should keep them to yourself.
If you’ve ever wanted your bills to taste like the substance you have to eat because your bills are so high, you’re in luck. J & D’s, the company who is also responsible for bringing about Baconnaise, Bacon Salt, and Bacon Ranch, now has bacon flavored envelopes to push. And you will buy them, fatty. I made this bacon star quilt that you will also buy, because you are not very discerning. Says J & D’s official website …
So, after thousands of years and kajillions of horrible tasting envelopes licked, we’re happy to report that J&D’s Bacon-Flavored Mmmvelopes™ are here to save the day. No longer will envelopes taste like the underside of your car. You can enjoy the taste of delicious bacon instead.
Yes. Delicious bacon. What are the envelopes called? MMMVELOPES. I don’t know whether to be excited about them or reflect on the decline of Western civilization.
Comments
John Woodson
November 17th, 2009 - 5:26:33 AM
No way dude, now that is my kind of envelope. JW