First American Pot Cafe To Open In Portland

By Mark Lorenz on November 15th, 2009

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So man, I was just thinking, we’re all part of this galactic mandala. Money doesn’t matter, good deeds don’t matter. All that matters is your ability to fade into the cosmic ether and absorb situations like water. Be like a teacup, you know? Does that make sense to you? If so, there might be a place you want to visit in Portland.

In what surely will be a part of people pointing to America’s moral decline, the first pot cafe is opening up in Portland, Oregon. Why not, Maine, man? You don’t want to get high and eat lobsters? What’s wrong with you? You’d rather log instead? Quit killing my buzz.

It’s called, aptly, the Cannabis Cafe. The pot cafe is a throwback to Amsterdam’s coffee shops, where you go in, order your strain of bud, then sit back and listen to Black Sabbath. Hopefully. Or, in this case, you pay a fee ($25 a month), and you get that much worth of pot from the bud-tenders.

You can also buy food at the cafe. Which is good, because I hear, empirical evidence has shown that people who like to smoke marijuana also get hungry. And then they eat food. Oh, the horror.

Hopefully, pot cafes will spring up all over, and people can learn that marijuana doesn’t do as much harm in general as the cartels that import it. And if you take away the badassery of it, a lot less people would be interested in smoking pot. You know. Like what happened with bear baiting.