With all Del Taco’s talk of Macho Burritos and Extreme soda sizes, they’ve totally got the jock/tough-guy/XXX-sports-enthusiast market pretty much taken care of. If you’ve ever punched a Prius until it was a Ford F-250, or climbed a mountain without any rappelling equipment, or been a muscular bald black guy with an iron cross tattoo at a heavy metal concert, the Del’s got your number. But what of the rest of us? The men who consider the exercise Super Mario gets while we’re playing him our exercise. The guys who look more like Hillary Swank’s female characters than her male ones? The guys who drop Charles Bukowski references at a Dodgers game. The nerds, the indie kids, the thin guys who would rather read a good book on an expensive couch than climb something — where are our burritos, Del Taco? Hence my suggestions for a new menu at Del Taco focused exclusively on the anti-macho subset of men that myself and my ilk belong to. It is a menu for any guy who has ever used the word “ilk” in that last sentence.
THE WIMPY GUY MENU:
The Cheesy Asthmatic: A paper-thin chicken and jack cheese quesadilla that comes with a string tied to it that leads into an inhaler.
Red and Green Burrito Fassbinder: It is more or less a normal Red and Green Burrito, except it comes with an attractive girl wearing Weezer glasses who stands behind you and laughs at your obscure movie references.
Churro Inchurrito: An inch long churro, that costs the same amount as a regular churro, so you can keep your tiny frame svelte.
Taco Del Recent Unusual Bands: The only carne asada taco that’s received over an 8.0 rating on pitchfork media dot com.
Feminist Nachos: They’re like the Macho Nachos except that they don’t rhyme, instead of chicken or beef, they have invective sprinkled liberally over them, and after you’re done eating them you want to look into your partners eyes and say, “I get you,” while you make love to them.
(Photo Via: Dan’s MP)
Comments
No comments.