HOOTIE RULES THE UNIVERSE

Hootie! Hootie! HOOTIE HAS MADE HISTORY. I told you all he would when I was in grade school, but nobody believed me. And now look at him. Standing proudly on top of the country pile. Darius Rucker has won the CMT best new artist award. And is the first black man to do so.

For those of you who know him by the incorrect nomenclature, Hootie, Darius fronted a college rock band, Hootie and the Blowfish. Whose songs still hold up. And were the precursor to other acts such as Guster and The Dave Matthews Band. Basically, any college bro-rock you can think of was heavily influenced by Hootie and his Blowfish. But then, after they sold upwards of twenty million albums, they dropped off the face of the earth. And everyone assume Darius Rucker was dead. But he wasn’t. He was in Nashville, absorbing all the country music he possibly could. He came back with a country solo album, which had three number one singles reach the top of the country billboard charts.

And last night, at the Country Music Awards, he was awarded. Oh, was he awarded. With the best new artist. Making him the first African-American man to win that distinction. To be fair, I don’t blame him. The only ceremony that could be whiter is the albino achievement awards.

Goddammit, that’s ten more dollars in the jar of bad jokes.