Of course you do. You’re never getting laid, and are trapped in the ’80s. You want everything to be light-up and weird-looking under the vague pretense of being “artistic”. Like Lady Gaga. But with beds.
Enter the Exposure LED line of bedroom furniture. Literally, enter it. It’s like a time machine to the future, if the future were made of bad taste and thunderbolts. Again, like Lady Gaga. Although it looks like you’re sleeping on a cushion of Emperor Palpatine’s lightning, apparently some high technological doodads went into making it. Because it costs nearly 8,000 dollars. That’s right sports fans. If you want a bed that’s almost ten-thousand dollars and is basically guaranteed never to get you laid, you must be the dumbest trust-fund baby in the world. Like…I’ll stop.
Looking at this bed, I just want to do a bunch of club drugs and then try to sleep. Maybe set an alarm with ridiculous Swedish techno, so every time I wake up, it’s an instaparty. It’s like how I imagine robot sex will be like in the future. Repellent and grotesque, and filled with LEDs. My god, it’s full of stars.
Truly, a bed fit for a robot prostitute.
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